If You Only Knew Me (41 ◇ Fajer)

So sorry if the format is off, posting this off mobile so it might look a bit weird, hope to fix it soon! And thank you so much for the comments, love the feedback as usual!

Happy reading, 

Cashmere

***

Thursday, December 29th, 2016...

I trapped a smile as I went up the elevator of Mazaya to the meeting with Mr. Michael, where I knew Abdullah was going to be now that we faced the reality of our relationship.

"After you," Mr. Micahel said as he held the button for the doors to remain open.

"Thank you," I said as I walked out, looking at my phone.

No new texts.

We walked together to the meeting room where I carried two huge folders and my notebook.

"Good afternoon," the foreign men said as they stood up to greet us. I quickly scanned the meeting room and felt disappointed. He wasn't there.

I set my things on the table and sat down, waiting for the men, and Mr. Michael to stop their chit chat and start the meeting but they continued to laugh and talk some more. Were they waiting for Abdullah?

"I'll be right back," I told my boss as I got up.

I walked to the ladies' bathroom at the end of the hallway to freshen up and check on my reflection. I was wearing a long olive-colored vest with a short black skirt over thick black stockings and an off-white long-sleeved blouse. My hair fell down my shoulders now, growing from its usual short height and my makeup was simple yet a bit more than my everyday office makeup as I was attending a meeting...and I'd thought I would be seeing him.

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair to add a bit of volume before I left, pleased with how I looked.

I opened the meeting room door only to see Abdullah at the the table, looking from his coworker, who was explaining something at the board, right to me and I could see a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"السلام"

I said softly, even if I realized that only he understood Arabic.

"وعليكم السلام"

He replied as I sat back down.

The man at the board continued to talk but my mind was elsewhere. I could feel Abdullah reach out towards his phone and I put mine on my lap in case it vibrated loudly.

I was watching the board, but truly my hands were gripping my phone, waiting for a text from him.

"Fajer, where are the minutes of meeting for the last one?" Mr. Michael said.

"Oh, here," I said as I went through the papers in my binder. My phone buzzed on my lap now and I froze before continuing to rummage through the papers.

"Here you go," I told Mr. Michael with a smile. As soon as he looked away from me I grabbed my phone to see the message.

Abdullah: thought you won't be attending

I smiled as I looked at him, but he was looking at the board. I knew his mind was on his phone too.

Me: thought the same about you

I watched his hand move towards his phone, slyly, before he read the message and smiled softly.

I could see him text from under the table now.

Abdullah: focus = 0 now

I bit my smile as I typed back but Mr. Michael interrupted, again.

"Fajer, would you like to explain your work for the past week?"

I gulped and for some reason my eyes ended up on Abdullah, who I knew was holding in his laughter and I looked away so I wouldn't laugh either.

"Yeah okay," I said as I stood up.

I walked to the board and began to talk.

"So after much research and calculations based on the data you've given to us I've concluded that..."I continued to say. I avoided Abdullah because I knew that I would either laugh or blank out. I focused on the men next to Mr. Michael, on the other side of Abdullah, instead.

"Great work," Abdullah said with a smile.

"Thank you," I replied, relieved that it was acceptable to smile back.

"One question, can we go back to the first of the month please?" his annoying coworker said.

"Sure," I said between gritted teeth as I listened to him blabber about the statistics for that month.

I watched Abdullah roll his eyes behind as he asked another question and I had to pinch myself to keep myself from laughing.

"Any other questions?" I said, looking around.

"I think we're good, thank you, Fajer," Abdullah said, saving me and I sighed in relief.

I grabbed my things from the table and went back to my seat, where I quickly placed my phone on my lap.

Me: bkhe9ou9 your coworker's questions??

Abdullah: والله لو تركيزي مو صفر الحين جان شنو بطيتج بالأسئلة...لا تشوفين شكلج وانتي تجاوبينه صج لايعة جبدج

I laughed and realized two men glanced my way when another man was speaking and I felt myself blush. I looked at Abdullah who was trying not to smile at me.

Me: looool fashlaaa!! oo yallah shegny b questions next time;)

I looked up to see him looking at his phone before looking at me with a smile, only his smile faded and so did everyone else in the room. My eyes were trapped on his, and it was like he pinned me to the wall again, only this time I surrendered. I didn't fear anything. I was with him.

We were interrupted again and the meeting seemed like it wouldn't end, but we kept stealing glances at each other.

“Thank you, everyone,” Abdullah’s coworker said as he stood up, concluding the meeting. It was usually Abdullah who did that but I guessed he was too distracted to do so.

We all stood up and I joined Mr. Michael right by the meeting room door, but I saw Abdullah smile as he walked towards us.

“Great work, Fajer,” he said, with Mr. Michael smiling at him.

“Thank you for your attention,” I teased and he laughed, while Mr. Michael was so confused.

“Sorry,” Abdullah said to my boss. “But really, you should be proud of her.”

I beamed at him, feeling warm all over now.

“Oh I am! I can definitely see her running the entire office in a couple of years!” Mr. Michael said and I chuckled.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Mr. Michael,” I said and he laughed before he said goodbye to Abdullah, leaving us alone.

“طبعا تدرين مايصيب الخليج تعبرين الشارع بروحج"

He teased, wiggling his brows and I chuckled. The meeting room was empty now.

“طبعا"

I said, wiggling my brows back and he laughed. He placed his hands in the pockets of his dishdasha and we walked together towards the elevators.

“خل اشيلهم عنج"

He said, grabbing the files from me.

“Thank you, bas khal asheel my pink notebook,” I said and he laughed.

We stepped in the elevator, which was empty, and I grabbed my notebook from the stacks of binders he was carrying.

“Next meeting tkfa khalny arakez,” I said and he laughed.

“اذا عرفتي شلون تركزين علميني"

He said and I chuckled.

We arrived at the ground floor shortly after and walked out of the building. He managed to carry the files with one arm to wear his sunglasses.

“يالله؟"

He said, looking both ways at the busy streets.

I followed his cue and crossed the streets when he did.

By the time we reached the street in front of my building we were out of it.

“بكنسل مدربي اليوم"

He said and I chuckled.

“Cardio and weights ha?” I said, nodding with my head to the files he was holding.

“بالضبط"

He agreed.

“طبعا تعرفين طقوس ما بعد الاجتماع"

He said, wiggling his brows and turning his head to the coffee bar we used to go to and I laughed.

“اكيييد"

I said, walking towards it.

“Logoتعالي صج دام خل اراويج ال”

He said, mentioning the logo of his new business that was in progress. It was an app that helped business owners track paperwork and other things. I was genuinely proud of him for managing all of this while he had his own struggles

We entered the coffee bar and Jason beamed at us.

“Mr. Abdullah! How are you?!” Jason said, shaking Abdullah’s hand.

“I’m great, how are you?” Abdullah said as he placed my files on the counter.

“I’m good thank you,” Jason said.

“Two Spanish lattes and a brownie?” Jason said and Abdullah turned to me. I just replied with a smile.

It was so good to be back.

"فأي واحد احلى؟"

Abdullah said as we sat down.

He showed me two different logos for his new business.

"هذا"

I said, pointing to a minimalistic logo on his phone that was precise and to the point. He smiled.

God, I couldn't get over his smile...he was so pleasing to look at.

"كنت اتمنى انج تنقينه"

He said with a smile and I smiled back.

I may have lost my friends, especially my group whom I thought we wouldn't fall apart, but I gained someone I wouldn't trade for the world.

Two years didn't seem so bad when I could still be with him during the wait.

He made it worth it.

“Your drinks,” Jason said as he placed the drinks in front of us.

“Thank you,” Abdullah said, handing me my drink first.

He continued to talk to me about his business while I suggested some ideas to help his business grow and he leaned back while crossing his arms.

“لا ضروري تصيرين شريكة"

He said and I laughed.

“I don’t mind wallah,” I said, taking a sip.

"بروح اييب البراوني، تبي شي؟"

I asked him.

"لا مشكورة"

He said as I stood up from the stool.

"Hi Jason, is the brownie done?" I asked him as I leaned against the counter.

“Yes, just a moment,” Jason said as he went to the mini oven, where the brownie was heating up.

"Fajer?" I heard a familiar voice behind me say and I turned around.

"Lulu?" I said.

I was still disappointed that she had betrayed my trust. Yet if it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be here right now with Abdullah. I wished it didn’t have to be from that.

"شلونج؟"

She asked me. She looked a bit sadder than usual. I wouldn't blame her...maybe us, her friends, were her actual family. I didn't know how bad she had to endure it at home but I was sure it was bad enough for her to be too attached to the group.

"الحمدلله، انتي شلونج؟"

I asked her while she tucked a strand of curly hair behind her ear.

"الحمدلله زينة. شلون الدوام؟"

She said.

"زين...زين"

I said.

There was an awkward pause between us now.

I should just get the brownie and go, I had nothing to say to her.

"فجر مابي احرجج او شي بس ياسمين بتيي عقب شوي"

She said and I placed my tongue against my cheek.

"حياها...”

I said, what was I supposed to do?

She just forced a smile...and I suddenly remembered how I met her. She helped me on a quiz in class and we didn’t even know each other. Then we got really close, so for our years of friendship I knew I had to say something.

لولو تكفين لا تقولينلي قاعدة تفكرين تتقربينلها عشان تصيرين مع خالد؟"

I said, and she looked at me like I'd just discovered the truth.

She was quiet and I knew I had to say all that I knew.

"لولو مو قصدي جذي بس كلّش ما انصحج...صج اذا صار شي بينكم بتطلعين من بيتج بس بتدشين بداهية ثانية"

I said in a low voice and she crossed her arms as she huffed.

"اي شي ولا الحالة اللي انا اعيش فيها"

She said, unconvinced.

"لولو الريال يشرب ويلعب على بنات ليلحبن بالمدرسة"

I begged her but she shook her head.

"حقي chance مالي شغل...ويمكن يتعدل...فجر هذا اخر"

She said and I sighed, this was going nowhere.

"كيفج...بس ديري بالج"

ّI said and she smiled softly.

"ان شاء الله"

She said with a smile.

"See you," I told her as I went back to the table to Abdullah. I just hoped she wouldn't settle for him just like what she was doing with Khalid.

"See you," she said.

We both knew we wouldn't be seeing each other soon...not for a while.

I went back to my seat and scrolled to the WhatsApp group with my old friends.

Danah and Mariam had already left...there was no way we were ever going to get back together, was there? I could meet up with Mariam and Sarah together as there was no bad blood between us.

Danah, however, felt like an incomplete chapter...and with all that years of friendship I had to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was my best friend.

I took a deep breath as I composed I message.

I need to see you

I bit my lip and hit send, I would deal with the consequence later.

"يالله نمشي؟ لازم اوصل هيون باليه"

Abdullah said and I nodded, standing up from the stool. I was so glad Yasmine wasn't here yet to see this, I just hoped I wouldn’t run into her as we left.

I could see Lulu stare at us from her seat in the corner. Knowing her now I was sure it was in envy, but I had faith in me and Abdullah that I wasn't worried at all.

We passed the tables and walked to the door, with me just one step behind him. I couldn't help but ogle at the outline of his back muscles under his shirt...two years seemed like a long time now.

He opened the door of the cafe for me to leave first and I smiled at him, now in front of him. Was he staring at my profile like I did his?

We got to the parking where our both cars were parked next to each other with a white defender next to us.

Abdullah's car beeped twice and I turned to him.

"Defenderشرايك بال"

I said, holding in my laughter and he sensed my humor.

"ركبي سيارتج بس ركبي"

He said with a laugh and I got in.

He definitely was the one.