If You Only Knew Me (37 ◇ Fajer)

Hey guys,
I'm so sorry but I'm going to start deleting comments requesting double posts, I'm trying my best to make every chapter long and perfect, it's really time consuming. If you'd like to drop a comment please make it about that chapter. 
I won't be doing double posts at all anymore because of how many requests I've been getting even after I politely asked my followers to stop.
I don't mean to be rude, I appreciate your enthusiasm but more importantly I appreciate feedback and comments that make me want to keep on writing rather than pressure me to just post, which I've been getting more of than actual story feedback.

Thank you and happy reading, 

Cashmere
***

Saturday, December 17th, 2016

"يما تكفين خلاص مابي اشوفه"
I said to my mother as she entered my room. I was on my laptop drowning myself in episodes of Friends that I'd rewatched at least ten times but I knew would lift my mood especially after the mess that had happened on Thursday.

"الولد تحت ويبي يكلمج"
My mother said, still annoyed that I didn't tell her why we broke it off.

"جد؟"
I said as I got up. My head was hurting and I groaned in both pain and annoyance. He wouldn't back off.

"لبسي شي مرتب على الأقل"
She told me, I looked at my work clothes that I was too uncaring to think much about. A pair of wide legged black pants and a black and blue shirt. I wasn't here to impress him.
I went downstairs to the reception where he was sitting with Yasmine and they both turned when I walked in.

Khalid looked like he hadn't slept in a decade and Yasmine looked at me from head to toe judgmentally. I'd already lost enough friends at this point another loss didn't make a difference. I was mad at her for telling Khalid without talking first.

I'd thought I would feel some sort of empathetic emotion when I'd see Khalid but I felt nothing but disgust with him.

"قلتلك مابي اشوفك ليش تحرجني جذي؟"
I whispered to Khalid, noticing Yasmine walk to the other part of the reception to give us some space.

"فجر انا بسمع اللي عندج واقدر اعدي اللي صار بس تكفين سامحيني...والله انتي ماخذة قلبي وماقدر ارجعه فجر تكفين"
He whispered back and I shook my head.

"اسفة بس لا"
I said and he widened his eyes in disbelief.

"لا؟"
He said, shocked.

"قلتلك لا"
I said, louder now. He looked around, like he was panicking and his plan wasn't working.

"عقب كل الوقت اللي قضيناه مع بعض، طلعاتنا، ضحكنا...كل هذا بتنسينه بس جذي؟"
He said, looking deep into my eyes.

"اشوفك ما تذكرت كل هذا لما لعبت علي مع بنت ام ١٦ سنه"
I said, furrowing my brows in anger and he gulped. There was no way out of this, I was positive with my decision and I didn't feel sorry for him at all.

"-فج"
He said and I interrupted him.

"خالد....خلاص، اللي بينا انتهى"
I said and his lips parted again, the idea of us breaking up was still not sinking in.

"فجر...عطيني فرصة ثانية والله بتغير"
He said.

"١٦ سنة...شلون رضيت فيها اصلا؟"
I said, still in shock.

"ما راح اعيدها فجر والله اموت فيج"
He said, closing up now and I took two steps back.

"ما راح تعيدها معاي لأنك ما راح تكون معاي. لا تضيع وقتنا ما راح اوافق ولاني راجعتلك"
I said and his jaw dropped, like he hadn't been expecting it.
Yasmine looked shocked too, she'd been listening now that my voice was loud.

He looked away, not daring to meet my eyes.

"خلاص عيل اللي تبينه"
He said with a sigh before he walked out the door and I watched him walk away, knowing that this would be the last time he would ever be in my house.

 Yasmine looked at him, making sure he was out of the house and walked up to me.

I looked at her, wondering what she had to say for herself.

"فجر...مادري شقول"
She said, crossing her arms against her chest.

"بس وايد خيبتي ظني على اللي سويتي فيه...ما توقعتها منج"
She said and I scoffed. Was she serious?

"وما شفتي اخوج شنو سوى؟"
I said and she scrunched her brows together in confusion.

"سأليه"
I simply said and she looked out the door.

"وبعدين اللي سمعتيه من لولو ما تيين تتأكدين منّي؟ سيدة تروحين حق اخوج؟"
I said.

"شدراني قلت اذا تخونينه عيل سهل تجذبين"
She said with a snare. What a bitch!

"بعد؟ تبررين حق روحج؟"
I said, raising my brows and she clenched her jaw.

"ما ارضى على اخوي"
She said.

"روحي سألي شسوى بس"
I said, and she was still confused.

We were silent as she looked behind her, as if looking at her brother in the car and sighed before she turned to face me.

"والله حسافة على اللي صار...كنت ابيج تصيرين اختي بس ما الله كتب"
She said and I pressed my tongue against my cheek.

"Bye, Fajer," she said as she walked out the door.

"Bye," I said, pissed at her and her brother now. I knew she too would not be entering my house again. I couldn't deal with her anymore.

I sighed, feeling my headache grow, and went back upstairs to where Fouz my sister and my mother were waiting for me.

"شصار؟"
They asked me, jumping up from their seats.

"خلاص ماكو نصيب"
I said.
I felt a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders; I didn't know being with Khalid was this exhausting, this draining.

"يالله عاد"
Fouz said, looking at me with widened eyes.

"انزين شصار؟"
She asked.

"فجر شصار بينكم اللي فجأة ما تبون بعض؟"
My mother said.

I couldn't tell them the truth, they wouldn't understand.

"هو مو نفس اللي توقعته وانا مو نفس اللي يبيه"
I said.

Fouz sighed. My mother was still in shock as she sat back down again. I remembered how happy she was at the engagement party and I hated the fact that all of that was over because of how sad she looked right now. Like it was totally unexpected.

I bit my lip as I tried to avoid looking at her.

"بطلع باخذ قهوة وارد ابي اغير مزاجي"
I said before going to my room.

"بيي معاج"
Fouz insisted.

"صج؟"
I said.

"هو ليش لا؟"
She said as she grabbed her purse.

"يما امشي"
I told my mother.

"لا والله متعيزة اطلع"
My mother said, still looking sad and I sighed. I just wanted to tell her everything, but I knew she wouldn't understand.

Fouz and I left the house got into my car.
 I bit my lip trying to figure out where to get coffee from.
I knew the perfect place and I smiled to myself.

Fouz and I didn't mention anything about Khalid during the ride to the coffee bar but I knew she would bombard me with questions once we ordered our coffee. Instead, we played some Majid Al-Muhandis and sang along softly all the way to the city, where I parked my car above the sidewalk.

"وين بنروح؟"
Fouz asked me, raising a brow.

"انتي نطري"
I said as I unbuckled myself and got down from the car.

 We walked to the coffee place that I hadn't been to with him...not Khalid.
The other him.

I opened the door and the familiar scent sent memories of me and Abdullah grabbing coffee rushing through me, but I didn't try to suppress them as I'd always done. Instead, I embraced them.
I owed Khalid nothing anymore.

I saw Jason, the barista wave to me from the counter and I was happy to see him.

"Good evening," he said.

"Hi Jason," I said with a smile

"Mr. Abdullah is coming?" he asked me with a smile.

I froze, hoping Fouz hadn't listened.

"No, I don't think so," I said with a chuckle.

"منو عبدالله؟"
Fouz asked curiously and I could feel my heart pound loudly against my chest that I was sure she was hearing it too. I knew she'd know about Abdullah, I was planning on telling her, but I didn't expect it to be so...soon?

"امم واحد كان يشتغل معاي"
I said with a chuckle.

"وكنتي تيين هني معاه؟"
She said, confused. She didn't sound suspicious of anything, and I knew that was because she knew me.

"طبعا لا، لا بس اصادفه"
I lied.

"Two spanish lattes please," I said.

"No brownie?" Jason asked me.

"Umm...okay," I said.

"Where is Mr. Abdullah?" he asked me as he accepted my Visa, trying to make conversation.

كلش مو وقته

"I don't know," I replied.
 I knew my sister was suspicious.

"He didn't come for a long time," he told me.

I haven't seen him in a while...I wanted to tell him.

"Yeah he must be busy," I just said as I paid.

I walked away from the counter and sat at a table nearby.
Two guys walked in and ordered after us.

"اول مرة اسمع بهالمكان"
She said as she looked around.

"يم دوامي"
I said.

Jason walked to us and placed the two iced lattes on our table.

"Thank you," I said with a polite smile.

"Send my regards to Mr. Abdullah," he said.

If he said his name one more time...

"جنج قلتي ماكو كويتيين معاج؟"
She said, scrunching her brows together, still confused that I hadn't mentioned his name before.
I knew I couldn't keep it from her any longer.

"بس اتعامل معاه"
I said, stirring my cup of iced coffee.

"اها...عبدالله الشنو؟"
She asked me.
I bit my lip.

I had to tell her...I just had to.

"....عبدالله الي"
I said and she looked up.

"نعم؟"
She said, raising her brow.

"....عبدالله الف"
I repeated.

"لا يكون ابو هيا؟"
She said with her eyes wide and I nodded.

"ما قلتيلي انج تشتغلين معاه"
She said as Jason placed the brownie in the middle with two forks.

"نسيت عيل"
I said, not meeting her eyes. I knew my face was turning red and my face, as Fouz knew, would rarely ever turn red.

"...فجر"
She said as she looked at me.
She was the only person who could read me so well.

 "نعم؟"
I said, avoiding her eyes.

"صار شي؟"
She asked me and my eyes widened as I finally looked at her. I knew she would never accuse me of anything, but I must've shown something was up on my face because she knew something was up. She definitely knew it.

"...اممم"
I said and she dropped her jaw.

"فجر"
She said, a smile also forming on her surprised face.

"لا...اي...مادري"
I said with a sigh as I placed my elbows on the table.

"فجر شصار؟"
She said as she leaned towards me. She didn't look angry but curious now, like I knew that smile had %100 curiosity behind it.

"سالفة طويلة...بس لازم اشرحلج كل شي"
I said, taking one last sip of my coffee before I explained to her everything

I told her what I'd told Lulu only with more details.
About how I took care of Haya at the hospital when he was there.
How I ran into him frequently after the hospital visit, and how we really hit it off at the birthday party.
I told her how distant Shoug was.
I told her what he was like at work, and how our attraction was obvious to us both.
I told her about the fight he and Shoug had at the chalet, that she wasn't there for her daughter and how she embraced him in front of me so I would be jealous.
I told her about our coffee outings after the meetings.
I told her of how we finally confronted each other about how we felt and that led to a fight so we didn't see each other for a while until the conference in Dubai.
I told her about the conference in Dubai; that was the tipping point, when we knew we both really liked each other but I told him I was engaged and how he should return to Shoug for Haya's sake.

"ويا حمارة ليش ما قلتيلي؟"
She said, after I was done.
She looked like she had taken in a lot, like she was so shocked all of this had happened under her nose.

"مادري كنت خايفة"
I said with a shrug.

"انا خنت خالد صح؟"
I said with a sigh.

"شدعوه خنتيه...بس طلعتي مع عبدالله مرة وحدة لأنكم بدبي وبس وبعدين انتي وقفتي الشي اللي بينكم عشان ما يكبر"
She said and I nodded, feeling slightly better even if I was glad Khalid and I broke it off.

"وشلون على شوق؟ قالت حق دانة عني مادري عند منو بتفضحني"
I said.

"عاد يت على شوقو هذي اللي ما تدري وين بنتها نص الوقت؟ تدرين كل طلعات ليان عند هيا مع عبدالله؟ شوق ما تدري عن احد غير نفسها وانا سمعت ان هو لاعت جبده منها لأن بس مصاريف على الفاضي وما تجابل شي وما يبي يطلقها عشان بعدين ما تاخذ بنتها وتوخرها عنه"
She said.

I widened my eyes.
This was exactly what he had told me.

"فما سويت شي غلط صح؟ الا عشا دبي؟"
I said.

"...تقدرين تقولين"
She said as she took a bite of the brownie.

"ياحمارة خلصتيه عني"
I said and she shrugged.

"بس عبدالله صج محترم يعني اتوقع لو صج مع شوق جان كلش ما عطاج ويه"
She said and I agreed.

"تدرين اني توظفت منه؟"
I said and she looked up, surprised.

"جذااااابة"
She said and I chuckled.

I regretted not talking to her from the start, maybe it was because I knew she was my sister so she would be harsh on me. But not so much so, and she would do it for my sake.

I explained how I got the job because of him and how we'd see each other at meetings.

"!امبيه ترى حده اينن"
Fouz said, widening her eyes and I smiled, feeling myself blush again.

"اي والله صج ما قصر معاي"
I said, sipping the last couple of sips from my coffee.

I bit my lip hesitantly as I spoke about something else next.

"شهد وحمد...شلونهم مع بعض؟"
I asked her, not meeting her eyes.

"مادري ما سمعت شي...ليش؟"
She asked me and I bit my lip.

"سمعت من شيخة ونجلا انه قاعد يخونها"
I said.

"ادري"
She said and I froze.

"نعم؟"
I said.

"شفتهم مع نجلا وشيخة"
She said, sounding relieved that I'd opened this topic.

"دانة وحمد؟"
I said, feeling disgust swarm through me and she nodded.

"ليش ما قلتيلي شي؟"
I asked her.

"لأنها رفيجتج حيل مادري منو بتصدقين"
She said calmly. I hated that she thought I'd believe Danah over her.

"امبيه فوزو مو صج! اصلا تدرين عصبت عليّ ليش عرّفت البنات على اختها الصغيرة لما شفناها؟ مو صاحية"
I said and she raised her brows.

"هوّ؟"
She said.

"فيها شر والله حسافة عليها"
I said with a sigh. She was a gorgeous girl. A gorgeous, talented, and selfish girl.

I picked up my phone and went through my messages until I reached her name. I couldn't bare go back to the conversations in which we'd once been best friends. I contemplated whether or not I should delete our chats to clear my mind but I decided to sleep on that decision.

I left that chat and my eyes landed on Abdullah's name.
I gulped.
Should I?

I pressed on his name and went into the conversation.

I started to type:

Can I see you?

I pressed the arrow button and all I had to do now was wait for the two gray ticks to turn blue.