If You Only Knew Me (31 ◇ Fajer)

Sorry for the late post, didn't realize I would be out for this long!

Happy reading, 

Cashmere
***

Friday, December 9th, 2016...

I was never this nervous for a wedding before.

It was the first wedding I would be going to since my engagement was announced, and I knew people would point me out. If there was news about you, people would stare you head to toe and comment on everything they think about you to whoever it was they were gossiping about you to.

That was why I had to look my best tonight. I wore a jumpsuit that Danah specifically overlooked the design of for me. It was made of expensive gold material with intimate detail, that was mind blowing. It was snug on my body, bringing out just the right amount of curves. It was sleeveless, so my mother's turquoise shone brightly on my chest. I parted my hair in the middle and straightened it for once, but I made sure to trim the ends to guarantee my hair would all be the same length.

My makeup was gold themed and perfectly applied, contrasting against my dark brown eyes. I wore a pair of 6-inch gold heels and absolutely loved how I looked, I had Danah to thank for it.

I walked with Lulu, who picked me up, and checked out our reflection in the lobby before the ballroom. Lulu looked so pretty in her orange one-shouldred dress that looked incredible with her curly hair, her hair was definitely a part of her look.

"يالله؟"
I said, as soon as I ran a hand through my hair and was convinced with how I looked.

"اي يالله"
She said, ushering me to walk first so she would follow me. Typical Lulu.
We walked into the ballroom, greeting the line of the bride and groom's close family members. The bride was my friend Muneera from college, who also happened to be Danah's distant cousin.

"بالمبارك"
I told the bride's mother, whom I recognized.

"الله يبارك فيج حبيبتي، بنت نادية، العروس؟"
She asked me and I smiled brightly.

"اي"
I said.

"انا اقول، يا حلوج والله سلمي على الوالدة والله يوفقج"
She said.

"يوصل ان شاء الله مشكورة"
I replied with a smile .

I didn't know why I got a pang of guilt each time someone congratulated me. My mind went back to Dubai with Abdullah...a memory I tried to repress.

I had to move on...I just had to.

"وين نقعد؟"
Lulu whispered to me as I looked around for my friends. Each time I looked at someone I caught them looking right back, my theory was right. The attention was a bit too much. I caught a girl chewing gum and snaring at me, while staring up and down.

I guess I looked that good and I smiled to myself.

If only Abdullah saw me...

I thought.

I froze in my steps.

Khalid.

If only Khalid. saw me...

I tried to convince myself, I was so confused.
So beyond confused.

My eyes fell on girls waving their arms at us.
I saw Mariam and Yasmine sitting in the middle row with beaming faces.

 "كاهم"
I said to Lulu as I smiled to them.

We walked towards them and they got up excitedly to greet us.

"!!فجر"
Yasmine screeched as she suffocated me in a hug.

"!كلبة تشوقين"
I told her, admiring her black and white cocktail dress.

"wow شوفي منو يتكلم بس، جد"
Yasmine said as she looked me up at down and I blushed under her gaze.

"من الحين best dressedطبعا عارفين منو ال"
Mariam said as she hugged me.

"Waay Mariaaaam!" I said as I hugged her. She wore a gorgeous maroon one-shouldered gown, her hair was up in an elegant ponytail.

I watched them hug Lulu before we all sat down.

"ما شاء الله كل شي يعقد"
I said as I looked around.

The ballroom was dressed in pink and gold vines, along with some light shades of green. It was so pretty to see and I couldn't help but wonder what my wedding would be like.

"جنها سارة اللي هناك؟"
Lulu said, pointing at a girl wearing a short white dress.

"اي"
I said as I waved to her.
We watched her walk up the steps to join us in the seats.

"Hellooo!" she said as she hugged us all.

My phone buzzed on my lap.

Danah: minu ya?

I texted her back,

ilkel yaa. wainich??

Danah: yam the coffee area, just fixed the decor. I'm coming now.

I saved a seat for Danah next to me as I watched some women dance to the songs while I clapped my hands to the beat of the music.

"كاهي دندون كلبة تينن"
Yasmine said, looking at a gorgeous Danah by the door. She was wearing a long sleeved black dress that was also off shoulder, showing off her prominent collar bones. Her super short hair was pulled away from her face, while her makeup brought out her feminine features. She looked breathtaking.

"Wow," I said.

"صح؟"
Lulu agreed.

"اهلا اهلا"
Danah said as she walked by us. I could hear girls behind me say her name.

"شهالزين دندون"
I said as I hugged her.

"امبيه فجور طلعت خيااال"
She said as she looked at my jumpsuit, and I smiled.

"دانة الديكور ف-ضييييع"
Yasmine said.

"اي يعقد، دانوه"
Lulu agreed as she looked around.

"Thank you!" Danah said.

"يالله قعدي نبي نمدحج بعد"
Lulu said as she scooted for her and Danah chuckled.

"لازم اسلم وبعدين اجييك على مكان البوفيه"
Danah said before she turned around and said a loud "Hi" to some woman waiting to greet her.

"Celebrity wallah," I told the girls as I sat down with a chuckle.

"جد"
Lulu agreed.

"يا جماعة شرايكم نروح نرقص دام بدى ينترس الميد؟"
Sarah suggested.

"اي يالله"
We agreed before we got down to dance to

"فجر"
Yasmine yelled in my ear while she grabbed my hand.

"امي تبييج تعالي"
She said, taking me to my future mother-in-law.
I kept a smile on my face as I knew my mother-in-law was definitely pointing me out to her friends or relatives as we walked to her.

"هلا خالتي غنيمة"
I said as I kissed her cheeks, she held me by the arms as she looked at me lovingly like I was her second daughter.

"اسم الله عليج لا قوة الا بالله تهبلين"
She said and I smiled, feeling a blush appear on my cheeks.

"تعالي سلمي على عمات خالد وبنات عمه"
She said, holding my hand to guide me through the seats.

"هذه عمته هدى"
She said, pointing me to an older woman who was still watching me like the rest of the women I was going to be introduced to.

 His mother showed me around, announcing my name loudly and looking around to see if anyone was noticing me. I was a bit uncomfortable with the unwanted attention but I guessed it was part of being a bride-to-be.

"امشي رقصي معاي"
Khalty Ghanimah said as she grabbed my hand to pull me to the dance floor, where I knew Khalid's relatives would still be watching me. Did they know he drank? He told me he would stop and I honestly trusted him, especially with how he looked at me when I broke down. He really thought it was only because of the drinking but it wasn't.

I forced a smile as I danced next to my mother-in-law and I was lucky to know how to dance. I would die if I didn't.

Lulu wiggled her brows at me as she passed me and I lightly nudged her, to which she laughed.
The song seemed like it wouldn't end as I continued to dance next to my mother in law, and Yasmine joined us last minute.

"شعلييج جنج صكيتي على دانة"
She muttered to me.

"شفتي؟"
I said.

"Welcome to our family," she said with a chuckle.

" ناطرينج تيين الزوارة my cousins والله ترى كل"
She said and I laughed.

Guilt set in deeper. I wanted to go sit down, as I felt trapped between Khalid's mom and sister.

This is where I belong. With Khalid, I'm a perfect fit and they all love me already...

I told myself.

The song finally ended and I didn't feel so suffocated anymore. I went back with Yasmine to the girls.

"كبرنا ها؟"
The girls teased as I sat down, knowing my face was beet red by now.

"جب جب بس"
I said as I looked at my feet.

"واي ما بغيتي"
Mariam said as Danah sat next to us, finally.

"اي خلصت، ترى العروس بتدش"
She told us.

"اخيرا"
Yasmine said and I chuckled.

I looked around the huge ballroom. It was now full. I could see girls with me from high school in one corner and girls with me from college in another. I also thought I spotted my distant cousins somewhere.

هب السعد started to play and the bride walked in, smiling and looking beautiful in her wedding dress. Her train was the longest and prettiest I've seen. She smiled at the cameras, and then at the guests. If she was nervous, she didn't show it at all.

That would be me in a couple of months' time. That really would be me.

Danah stood up and walked to the bride, who was her cousin, Muneera.

"هذي وين بتروح بعد؟"
Sarah asked as we watched her walk down the steps. Danah started to even out her cousin's train, since it was really long. I knew a lot of people were watching her and I couldn't help but wonder how if what I'd heard about her with Hamad were actually true. Both my cousins Shaikha and Najla confronted me about it...and that had to mean something.

"فجور صفقي شفيج"
Lulu muttered to me as the clapping part of the song was playing. I was pulled out of my trance but then I started to clap, and smile. The bride's cousins, including Danah encircled her as she stood by the kosha. They were a large family so it was really cute seeing everyone so happy.

Would my wedding be like this?
I couldn't help but wonder...

We clapped as the زفة finished and the guests went back to their seats, Danah included.

"امشو خلنروح الحمام"
Danah said as she stood up.

"انتي ما تركدين؟"
Sarah said.

"ما تشوفينها عصلة؟"
Lulu said.

"قومو بس قومو"
Danah replied as we stood up.

We followed her out of the ballroom to the restroom, which was perfectly decorated too. They paid so much attention to the decoration that even the soap dispensers had gold and pink vines wrapped around it.

"Wow Danah," I said, impressed that the theme was everywhere, and she just smiled, like she was so used to compliments.

A girl in a purple cape dress smiled at Danah before she walked out of the bathroom.

"تعرفينها؟"
Lulu asked her and Danah shook her head. We looked around to notice we were pretty much the only ones in this section of the restroom.

"بدلتها تضييق الخلق"
Sarah said and the girls laughed.

"انتي طافج المكياج الضيم بس"
Danah said, making fun of the girl who just smiled at Danah.

"حرام ترى شكلها حليوة"
I said.

"لا حبيبتي شكلها يضييق الخلق"
Sarah said again and the girls laughed again. I didn't and pretended to be busy with my lipstick.

A girl in a short red dress walked in with a smile on her face as her hands were on her phone. She looked familiar...until I realized who she was.

"منيرة؟"
I couldn't help but blurt out. She looked up to see me and smiled, before widening her eyes as she realized Danah was right with us.

"Hi!" I said warmly, if not enthusiastically.
"شخبارج؟"
I said as I hugged her anyway. I could sense Danah glare behind us but I couldn't care less.

"زينة"
She said with a nervous smile, and I noticed she was trying not to look at Danah.

"ما شاء الله تشوقين"
I said, looking at her outfit top to bottom. She looked really pretty...I liked how unique her features were...she would look stunning in a couple of years, to me, at least. The almond shaped eyes, the uniquely shaped nose and her small bowed lips were all memorable.

"Thank you, intay ba3ad"
She said and I smiled before joining the girls, who were staring at us weirdly. Muneera left the restroom and I knew it was because she felt uncomfortable being around her sister and her friends.

"فجور منو هذي؟"
Sarah said and I looked at Danah, who was reapplying her lipstick.
كيفها.

"اخت دانة"
I said and Lulu gaped at me, wondering if I did something wrong.
I was only saying the truth.

"دانة دانة؟ يالله عاد"
Mariam said.

"اي"
I said, not going back on my decision to show them who Danah's sister was.

"من متى عندها اخت؟"
Mariam asked?

"من ١٦ سنة"
I said but the girls didn't seem to believe me. Danah was straight up glaring at me now and her jaw was tense.
I couldn't care less.

"دانوه صج هذي اختج؟"
Sarah said.

"اي"
Danah said with a sigh as she stood up and put her lipstick back in her clutch.

"يالله عاد"
Yasmine said.

"Mmm..."
Danah only said, and her face was unreadable. Lulu only looked at them and then back at me, wondering if I had done anything wrong.

"انزين يالله امشو"
Danah added.

The girls all walked outside the bathroom, while Danah waited until they left and I were the last two.

"شكو تسلمين عليها جدامهم وتقولينلهم انها اختي؟"
Danah said in a low voice, she looked really pissed.
Guess what, I was equally pissed too. Especially after how terrified Muneera looked.

"متى ما اسلم عليها اسلم عليها، وهي مو اختج؟ انا بس قلت الصج"
I said. I really couldn't hold myself.

"Danah, Fajer yallah!" Yasmine yelled as the girls squeezed in for a picture. Danah rolled her eyes at me as she walked past me to the girls and I followed, standing at the other end of where she was.

I forced a smile as each of the girls took photos from their own phones, except me and Danah.

"please الحين بس انا ومرت اخوي"
Yasmine said, and a pang of guilt hit my stomach and a wave of nausea ran through me. We weren't married yet and she was already calling me her in-law.
She wrapped her arm around my waist and I did the same as we posed for the picture. My mouth was starting to hurt and that was when I knew I was genuinely faking it.

"اتينن"
Mariam said and Sarah, next to her agreed.

"يالله انا وياسمين الحين"
Lulu said with a smile and I walked away from them to go back to my seat. I didn't realize Danah was walking right next to me and I grabbed her hand.

"ليش ما ادري؟ my best friend انزين عادي افهم ليش الموضوع وايد حساس عندج؟...دانوه انتي"
I asked her,

"ماكو شي"
She snapped.

"دانة"
I said again.

"فجر تدرين اني اعزج اكثر منهم"
She said, looking at the girls still taking photos.

"فتكفين لا تخربين علاقتنا عشان هالسالفة"
Danah said, looking at me with an annoyed expression.

I didn't say anything back.
How could I trust her if she kept so many things away from me? Especially those that really showed who she was as a person.

"Danah?" a woman wearing a black and white dress stopped Danah.

"Oh hi!" Danah said as she hugged her.

I looked at my phone, wondering if I should wait for Danah or go back to my seat.

"Danah mashallah I was just telling ikhty shloun everything is perfect," Danah's friend said. I'd definitely heard her voice before.

I looked up and gulped.

Shoug.
Abdullah's wife. Or ex. But officially, his wife.

She looked at me and parted her lips for two seconds before she turned back to Danah.  Her light brown hair was in a bun with a part in the middle. She was more tanned than I'd last seen her. Even Danah noticed that there was something in the air...tension...or aggression?

"...،اوه شوق هذي فجر الف...فجر هذي شوق الخ"
Danah said.

"اهلين حبيبتي شلونج؟"
She said as she extended her hand. I could feel her eyes burn into mine...like she was trying to intimidate me and the worst part was that it was working.

"الحمدلله بخير انتي شلونج؟"
I said as I took her hand in.
It was so cold.

"الحمدلله"
She simply said with a fake smile before she turned to Danah again.

"Dandoun let me know when we can have a meeting 3ashan I can organize it with my staff o we have to grab coffee 3ala youm!" Shoug said, glancing at me.

My stomach really hurt now.

"Perfect," Danah said.

"See you," Shoug told her before she walked away, giving me one last glare.
My heart was really racing now against my chest I didn't know how I seemed calm.

"منو هذي؟"
I asked Danah, hoping to know something I didn't.
How did they even know each other?

"Shoug Al-K....."
She explained.

"اي بس منو هي؟"
I said.

"Interior designer, o I think fashion designer ba3ad," she explained.

"اها، ويهها مو غريب علي"
I said as we walked back to our seats.

Would she tell Danah anything? Did she already tell Danah anything?
I felt my breath shorten as a response to my heart beating faster. It was cold but heat was soaring through my body in panic.

There was no one I could say anything to...no one could know.

I sat back down in my seat and grabbed my phone to calm myself down.

I went on Snapchat to watch stories of tonight's wedding. Apparently lots of people I knew were here too, but I didn't see them. Or maybe I was too worried about everything to.

I loaded Yasmine's snap story and my stomach did that same twist as it did whenever I felt immense guilt in me.

love you 7amatyyy!!

She captioned. I captured the snap and replied to it with "I love you too" out of decency, but truly I deleted the picture right after I screenshot it and stuffed the phone in my clutch.

Whether it was from my lack of sleep, the coffee, or my worrying, I didn't know where my head was at at all, I didn't know where my heart was either.

•••

So I have to ask you guys, who's your favorite girl character and who's your favorite guy character from the story?