Happy reading,
Cashmere
***
"امبيه حدي يوعانة"
Jana said as we sat at a table in the middle of The Breakfast Club. She took off her leather jacket to reveal her wool off-shoulder shirt that really flattered her curves.
"شنو بتطلبين؟"
She asked me as she flipped through the menu the waiter placed on our table.
"جني مو يوعانة"
I said.
I still couldn't believe Danah exposed me like that and more importantly, what had happened with Fahad? How did he know about the pictures?
I talked to him like I didn't know Rawan knew. I wanted to talk to him on Thursday, the day after the Gathering, but he told me he wasn't feeling so well so he was going to miss school.
Fahad: bl3afya o salmay 3ala janaa gouleelha bedait aghaar may9eer
I would smile...but I was still shaky about the whole thing.
Me: haha inshallaah
If he knew I knew, he didn't show it..
"فهد يسلم عليج"
I said to Jana as I put my phone down on the table.
"اوه ليلحين تكلمينه؟"
She asked, surprised. She turned to the waiter to order.
"One Lotus pancakes please and a bottle of water," she said.
"Nothing for me, thank you," I told the waiter before Jana turned back to me, placing her arms on the table like she was ready to listen.
"ليلحين ما كلمته عن الموضوع"
I said as I bit my lip.
"منّور مو من صجج! ادري صعب تصدقين انه قاعد يقص عليج بس انا من دريت ان هو يكلمج شكيت بالموضوع لأن كلّش ما يعطي احد ويه"
She said, twirling her brown hair with her finger.
"توّج تقولينلي؟"
I said.
"شدراني قلت يمكن هم حبّج عقب ما تعرف عليج"
She said and I sighed.
"بس شلون درت روان عن الصور؟"
I asked her and she shrugged.
"ضروووري تكلمينه باجر"
She said and I remembered it was a Saturday. I wasn't ready.
"حيل خايفة"
I said.
"عيل كيفج قعدي على حالتج"
She said.
"جنوي مابي اعرف جان زين لو روان ما قالتلي"
I said, running a hand through my hair.
The waiter came and placed the plate of pancakes in front of Jana, who dug in instantly.
"امبيه خيال...اكيد ما تبين؟"
She asked me and I shook my head.
What if Fahad actually loved Rawan?...
I wouldn't accept it. I never would.
He was mine and I made sure of it...she had everything I wanted she couldn't have him too.
"امبيه ويع"
Jana muttered as she glanced to her left before forcing a smile and standing up.
"Hiii," she said, kissing two girls that looked a bit older than us.
"شخباركم؟"
Jana said.
I went on Snapchat while I waited for her to finish her small talk with the two girls.
"يالله سلمو"
Jana said before she sat down again before continuing to eat.
"منو هذيلا؟"
I asked her.
"My cousins," she said.
She'd rarely spoken of her family.
"اوه صج؟"
I said.
"ايي"
She replied.
"لحظة عندكم زوارة او شي؟"
I asked, hoping I wasn't being nosey.
She chuckled.
"اي بس يالله اروح...حده ملاقة وامبيه يحسسوني جني صايعة هناك"
She said with a laugh.
"لا جد يعني لازم كل ما اروح يعلقون عن لبسي فكل ما اروح احرهم زيادة والبس شي اضيج"
She said, laughing some more.
"امج ما تقول شي؟"
I asked her and she shrugged.
"حاولت بس عقب ايست يعني خلاص انا جذي شسوي"
She said, cutting her pancakes.
"ساعات ودي يصير عندي اخت عشان ندافع عن بعض والله"
She said, taking a mouthful and I scoffed.
"صدقيييني ما ودج"
I said.
"I think Danah is an exception," she said.
"جان زين عندي اخو والله"
I said and she shook her head.
"امبيه لا وييع اخوي حده حسباله انه هو ريال عليّ حتى اخوي الكبير ماله شغل فيني يغث"
She said.
"لحظة جم اعمارهم؟"
I asked her.
"وهاب ٢٦ وراشد ٢٣"
She explained, placing her fork and knife together.
"لو راشد خوش واحد جان ضبطتكم بس ويع حقير"
She said and I laughed.
"امبيه مو صج"
I said before I sighed.
"ابي اكلم فهد ضروري بس خايفة على اللي بيصير"
I said as I looked at my phone and bit my lip hesitantly.
"حبيبتي بتعرفين يعني بتعرفين"
She said and I nodded. She did have a point.
She ordered the check while I stared blankly at the chat, wondering if I should go ahead and talk to him or not.
I remembered Rawan telling me about Fahad and how he was using me...I didn't confront him about it because I was too scared to. But if she knew about us then he really was using me.
How could I be so stupid this whole time?
I knew I just had to talk to him.
3ady tlageeny bacher eb Starbucks Nuzha gabel ilmadrisa? i really need to talk to you
He lived in Nuzha, he had no excuse not to show up.
"يالله؟"
Jana said as she stood up and wore her jacket.
We walked down the escalators to the main entrance of Kipco, where her driver was parked.
As I got in, my phone buzzed and I gulped. I just knew it was from Fahad.
Fahad: inshallah, everything ok?
I didn't know why but I felt like bursting into tears.
Did he really care or was it part of his "faking it" plan?
Me: not really. bagoulek tomorrow.
I put my phone in the pocket of my black jeans while Jana took control of the music that I was in no mood to listen to.
"بكلمه باجر قبل المدرسة"
I told Jana, who was busy on her phone probably on Snapchat.
"قوليلي شيصير اول بأول"
She said, ready for the drama.
We arrived shortly at my house and I hugged Jana.
"See you bacher," I told her.
"Good luck!" she said, with her hand on my shoulder.
"Bye," I said as I left the car.
I got in through the main door, ignoring Rosegold's barks coming from the garage. As I entered the door I could hear yelling coming from the lounge downstairs.
I gulped and walked hurriedly towards the lounge, careful not to be heard or seen.
I almost gasped when I saw her...Fajer.
Danah had told her the truth. Fajer was in hysterics and I couldn't believe my eyes; best friends just yelling at each other; I was too shocked to hear what it was about but until I could finally concentrate I heard Fajer scream:
"ما راح اسامحج"
It was all because of me.
Fajer stormed out, leaving a very enraged Danah alone with me in her lounge. It was silent...for five seconds until Danah snapped my way.
"انتي شكو تبطلين حلجج؟"
She yelled and I didn't know what to say at all. I was frozen to the ground.
"ح-حسبالي كنتو تتكلمون عن جنى وخالد"
I said, feeling my voice crack as I spoke.
"انتي مالج شغل! شفتي شلون خربتي علينا؟ بقى شي ما خربتيه؟"
She yelled and this time she walked towards me.
I couldn't say anything.
"!خلاص وخري عن ويهي مابي اشوفج! بروحج مفشلتني بكل مكان"
She said and I felt my jaw drop while my tears were rolling down my cheeks.
"-دانة ما كان قص"
I said and she ran a hand through her short hair.
"انتي ما تفهمين؟"
She said in a low voice with a mocking chuckle but it hurt more than anything and I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't keep it in.
"ليش تكرهيني لي هالدرجة؟"
I blurted out but she just looked at me.
" دانة ليش خاشتني طول هالمدة من رفيجاتج؟ ادري اني مو حلوة نفس كل اللي تحبينهم بس انا اختج وما عندي غيرج ولا عندج غيري"
I said and my voice was getting louder and louder as my tears fell on the carpet under our feet.
She only glared at me before she stormed past me towards the stairs, leaving me all alone with my tears.
Now I realized it: I wasn't good enough and no one wanted me.
I sat down on the couch of my sister's lounge and just cried.
Danah probably hated me for the same reason. I wasn't good enough.
I wasn't good enough for anyone and it killed me.
Fahad playing me wasn't such an unlikely thing to happen. I wasn't special.
Jana? It was probably because I was the new girl who knew nothing about her and she needed a new friend since everyone stopped being hers from her bad reputation.
My parents loved Danah more, everyone loved Danah more even if Danah was the most intimidating and harsh person I'd met.
I wiped my tears that didn't seem to stop and went up to my bedroom, where I laid on my bed and tried not to sob but I did so anyway. Everything just hurt and everything felt so heavy, remembering what Rawan had told me made it even worse and remembering how Danah exposed me made my heart ache even more.
I sat up straight and went on Instagram and went on Danah's profile, just to find something to pick on her for myself. It was private but I couldn't stop staring at it with the perfect profile picture of her...over 1,206 followers and she didn't think of accepting her sister's request.
I knew she hated me but I didn't hate her. I couldn't.
I took a shower and got dressed into a pair of shorts and t-shirt before I slid into bed.
I turned off the lights for my meeting with Fahad.
Everything was coming to light now.
Cashmere
***
"امبيه حدي يوعانة"
Jana said as we sat at a table in the middle of The Breakfast Club. She took off her leather jacket to reveal her wool off-shoulder shirt that really flattered her curves.
"شنو بتطلبين؟"
She asked me as she flipped through the menu the waiter placed on our table.
"جني مو يوعانة"
I said.
I still couldn't believe Danah exposed me like that and more importantly, what had happened with Fahad? How did he know about the pictures?
I talked to him like I didn't know Rawan knew. I wanted to talk to him on Thursday, the day after the Gathering, but he told me he wasn't feeling so well so he was going to miss school.
Fahad: bl3afya o salmay 3ala janaa gouleelha bedait aghaar may9eer
I would smile...but I was still shaky about the whole thing.
Me: haha inshallaah
If he knew I knew, he didn't show it..
"فهد يسلم عليج"
I said to Jana as I put my phone down on the table.
"اوه ليلحين تكلمينه؟"
She asked, surprised. She turned to the waiter to order.
"One Lotus pancakes please and a bottle of water," she said.
"Nothing for me, thank you," I told the waiter before Jana turned back to me, placing her arms on the table like she was ready to listen.
"ليلحين ما كلمته عن الموضوع"
I said as I bit my lip.
"منّور مو من صجج! ادري صعب تصدقين انه قاعد يقص عليج بس انا من دريت ان هو يكلمج شكيت بالموضوع لأن كلّش ما يعطي احد ويه"
She said, twirling her brown hair with her finger.
"توّج تقولينلي؟"
I said.
"شدراني قلت يمكن هم حبّج عقب ما تعرف عليج"
She said and I sighed.
"بس شلون درت روان عن الصور؟"
I asked her and she shrugged.
"ضروووري تكلمينه باجر"
She said and I remembered it was a Saturday. I wasn't ready.
"حيل خايفة"
I said.
"عيل كيفج قعدي على حالتج"
She said.
"جنوي مابي اعرف جان زين لو روان ما قالتلي"
I said, running a hand through my hair.
The waiter came and placed the plate of pancakes in front of Jana, who dug in instantly.
"امبيه خيال...اكيد ما تبين؟"
She asked me and I shook my head.
What if Fahad actually loved Rawan?...
I wouldn't accept it. I never would.
He was mine and I made sure of it...she had everything I wanted she couldn't have him too.
"امبيه ويع"
Jana muttered as she glanced to her left before forcing a smile and standing up.
"Hiii," she said, kissing two girls that looked a bit older than us.
"شخباركم؟"
Jana said.
I went on Snapchat while I waited for her to finish her small talk with the two girls.
"يالله سلمو"
Jana said before she sat down again before continuing to eat.
"منو هذيلا؟"
I asked her.
"My cousins," she said.
She'd rarely spoken of her family.
"اوه صج؟"
I said.
"ايي"
She replied.
"لحظة عندكم زوارة او شي؟"
I asked, hoping I wasn't being nosey.
She chuckled.
"اي بس يالله اروح...حده ملاقة وامبيه يحسسوني جني صايعة هناك"
She said with a laugh.
"لا جد يعني لازم كل ما اروح يعلقون عن لبسي فكل ما اروح احرهم زيادة والبس شي اضيج"
She said, laughing some more.
"امج ما تقول شي؟"
I asked her and she shrugged.
"حاولت بس عقب ايست يعني خلاص انا جذي شسوي"
She said, cutting her pancakes.
"ساعات ودي يصير عندي اخت عشان ندافع عن بعض والله"
She said, taking a mouthful and I scoffed.
"صدقيييني ما ودج"
I said.
"I think Danah is an exception," she said.
"جان زين عندي اخو والله"
I said and she shook her head.
"امبيه لا وييع اخوي حده حسباله انه هو ريال عليّ حتى اخوي الكبير ماله شغل فيني يغث"
She said.
"لحظة جم اعمارهم؟"
I asked her.
"وهاب ٢٦ وراشد ٢٣"
She explained, placing her fork and knife together.
"لو راشد خوش واحد جان ضبطتكم بس ويع حقير"
She said and I laughed.
"امبيه مو صج"
I said before I sighed.
"ابي اكلم فهد ضروري بس خايفة على اللي بيصير"
I said as I looked at my phone and bit my lip hesitantly.
"حبيبتي بتعرفين يعني بتعرفين"
She said and I nodded. She did have a point.
She ordered the check while I stared blankly at the chat, wondering if I should go ahead and talk to him or not.
I remembered Rawan telling me about Fahad and how he was using me...I didn't confront him about it because I was too scared to. But if she knew about us then he really was using me.
How could I be so stupid this whole time?
I knew I just had to talk to him.
3ady tlageeny bacher eb Starbucks Nuzha gabel ilmadrisa? i really need to talk to you
He lived in Nuzha, he had no excuse not to show up.
Jana said as she stood up and wore her jacket.
We walked down the escalators to the main entrance of Kipco, where her driver was parked.
As I got in, my phone buzzed and I gulped. I just knew it was from Fahad.
Fahad: inshallah, everything ok?
I didn't know why but I felt like bursting into tears.
Did he really care or was it part of his "faking it" plan?
Me: not really. bagoulek tomorrow.
I put my phone in the pocket of my black jeans while Jana took control of the music that I was in no mood to listen to.
"بكلمه باجر قبل المدرسة"
I told Jana, who was busy on her phone probably on Snapchat.
"قوليلي شيصير اول بأول"
She said, ready for the drama.
We arrived shortly at my house and I hugged Jana.
"See you bacher," I told her.
"Good luck!" she said, with her hand on my shoulder.
"Bye," I said as I left the car.
I got in through the main door, ignoring Rosegold's barks coming from the garage. As I entered the door I could hear yelling coming from the lounge downstairs.
I gulped and walked hurriedly towards the lounge, careful not to be heard or seen.
I almost gasped when I saw her...Fajer.
Danah had told her the truth. Fajer was in hysterics and I couldn't believe my eyes; best friends just yelling at each other; I was too shocked to hear what it was about but until I could finally concentrate I heard Fajer scream:
"ما راح اسامحج"
It was all because of me.
"فجر ترى مو من دانة...مني انا"
I blurted out.
"انا اللي قلت حق دانة عن خالد وفجر"
I would never forget the glare Danah gave me that made me wish I hadn't come down here at all.
I knew Danah didn't tell her about Jana; the fight wasn't about that.
"انتي شكو تبطلين حلجج؟"
She yelled and I didn't know what to say at all. I was frozen to the ground.
"ح-حسبالي كنتو تتكلمون عن جنى وخالد"
I said, feeling my voice crack as I spoke.
"انتي مالج شغل! شفتي شلون خربتي علينا؟ بقى شي ما خربتيه؟"
She yelled and this time she walked towards me.
I couldn't say anything.
"!خلاص وخري عن ويهي مابي اشوفج! بروحج مفشلتني بكل مكان"
She said and I felt my jaw drop while my tears were rolling down my cheeks.
"-دانة ما كان قص"
I said and she ran a hand through her short hair.
"انتي ما تفهمين؟"
She said in a low voice with a mocking chuckle but it hurt more than anything and I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't keep it in.
"ليش تكرهيني لي هالدرجة؟"
I blurted out but she just looked at me.
" دانة ليش خاشتني طول هالمدة من رفيجاتج؟ ادري اني مو حلوة نفس كل اللي تحبينهم بس انا اختج وما عندي غيرج ولا عندج غيري"
I said and my voice was getting louder and louder as my tears fell on the carpet under our feet.
She only glared at me before she stormed past me towards the stairs, leaving me all alone with my tears.
Now I realized it: I wasn't good enough and no one wanted me.
I sat down on the couch of my sister's lounge and just cried.
Danah probably hated me for the same reason. I wasn't good enough.
I wasn't good enough for anyone and it killed me.
Fahad playing me wasn't such an unlikely thing to happen. I wasn't special.
Jana? It was probably because I was the new girl who knew nothing about her and she needed a new friend since everyone stopped being hers from her bad reputation.
My parents loved Danah more, everyone loved Danah more even if Danah was the most intimidating and harsh person I'd met.
I wiped my tears that didn't seem to stop and went up to my bedroom, where I laid on my bed and tried not to sob but I did so anyway. Everything just hurt and everything felt so heavy, remembering what Rawan had told me made it even worse and remembering how Danah exposed me made my heart ache even more.
I sat up straight and went on Instagram and went on Danah's profile, just to find something to pick on her for myself. It was private but I couldn't stop staring at it with the perfect profile picture of her...over 1,206 followers and she didn't think of accepting her sister's request.
I knew she hated me but I didn't hate her. I couldn't.
I took a shower and got dressed into a pair of shorts and t-shirt before I slid into bed.
I turned off the lights for my meeting with Fahad.
Everything was coming to light now.
it feels like i just scrolled through it the post was good and i understand that not every post has a major bomb explode but it feels empty
ReplyDeletenot that its a bad thing it just added an urge for us to wanting to know what would happen and as readers we just hate the wait
i think muneera should listen to fahad then just end it ik in relations you can't be sure especially early on if the person is committed but she wouldve felt a little sure of the fact that hes honest about her and her self loath moment of her not being loved by anyone is showing more of her weakness
-asm
Ahh so sorry about that! I didn’t want to rush anything so I figured some calm chapters would help with that lol
DeleteExactly! It was like she thought she was living a fairytale for a moment and then it all snapped and thought she wasn’t worth any of it when she should be confident that she’s worth it!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThe poor girl! To think that she reached such a conclusion at a very young age...that’s going to leave a deep scar within her that won’t be healed anytime soon.
ReplyDeleteI just hope that fahad would actually turn out to be the sweet guy that we so far know him as... I don’t think I or she could handle anymore disappointments from these characters ��
If only all ppl were as kind as niyah and as loving as zaid now right?
Regards!
P.S. I think it’s clear that I’ve very attached to the first story ;)
Right?? It’s really going to mess her up like everyone keeps turning against her.
DeleteAnd yesss you are haha, I still miss writing it!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete