I didn’t change.
I rode the Ferrari in my Chanel dress. Heels and all.
I yelled in excitement once we hit the highway, watching him speed in my car before immediately slowing down.
We couldn’t afford to get stopped, or get into another crash.
“I’ve never used my car like that,” I admitted, mid laugh.
“Please don’t,” he said, joking and I nudged him playfully. He looked effortlessly handsome in a gray sweatshirt and gray shorts; cool and easy like the night.
My nausea was long gone, and I was worried I would depend on him as my antidote.
“I’m starving,” I said, holding my stomach. “Can we get a burger to go?” I asked.
“Sure. Where from?” he said, driving my car at a normal speed. “There’s a Burger King ahead of us, and I think a McDonald’s on the way back,” he said.
I looked at the time on my phone. Razzaq should be home in an hour, according to what he told me.
“Burger King. I prefer the whopper,” I said.
“I’ve never had it,” he said, looking at me tentatively like he just committed a criminal offense. He kind of did.
“You’re joking,” I said. He shook his head.
“Okay, we’re doing this,” I said, sitting up straight while he pulled over the window.
I ordered us two separate meals, and he got the bill. I always let him. I didn’t want to take away that part from him.
“Let’s park and eat inside,” Yaqoub said once we received our order, filling my car with the scent. I’d get someone to clean my car.
“No, it’s fine,” I said. He looked offended on my behalf.
“It’s fine, I promise,” I said with a shrug, fishing out my order.
“You need a picture, Burger King with that dress in a Ferrari? Killer,” he joked and I laughed.
“I do have a tumblr blog but I don’t post. I just repost,” I said with a shrug.
He took my phone and swiped for the camera. I buried my face in my burger, making sure the wrapper covered most of my identity, and he smiled, showing me the picture.
I can see the potential for it to go viral.
He took out his burger, and gave me a hesitant look.
“It’s delicious, I promise!” I begged while he unwrapped the burger. He took a bite, and raised his brows at me.
“I can see your point,” he said and I laughed.
“I told you,” I said, sipping on a Pepsi Max.
“When do you have to be home?” he asked me.
I sighed. “As soon as we’re done. I hope my brother doesn’t arrive earlier than he said.”
Yaqoub nodded, taking another bite.
“I need more time,” he said, smiling at me. I smiled back.
“Me, too,” I replied. “I’ll be at the chalet tomorrow, unfortunately,” I said. I was getting used to seeing him every morning. He became synonymous with morning coffee. I couldn’t have it without him anymore.
“I’m looking forward to weekdays, for once,” he said, and I laughed.
“Tell me about it,” I replied.
We finished our burgers and fries, and headed back to the co-op, where he parked his car. I switched to the driver’s seat, and felt his hand graze my hip; whether intentionally or by accident, I would never know.
He smiled at me one last time before getting into his car, and I couldn’t help but be captivated by his appearance. Moonlight danced across his face, accentuating his sharp and beautiful features.
I sighed in relief when I didn’t spot Razzaq’s car next to me in our underground garage. He still wasn’t home.
I could’ve risked it, spent more time with Yaqoub instead.
*
“I’ll get an egg McMuffin and hashbrowns,” I screamed across the passenger’s seat to the speakerphone of the McDonald’s we stopped at before we went to the chalet.
“How the hell do you eat that crap?” My brother asked me, not hiding his disgust.
“I open my mouth and chew?” I replied, sipping on my iced coffee.
He raised his eyes in disgust, drinking his own iced coffee.
“How was duwaniya last night?” I asked him while we waited for our order.
“Good,” he said, reaching out the window for my order.
“I’ll pay for the car cleaning,” I said, fishing out my breakfast. “You don’t want a bite? Give it a chance.”
He looked at me like I suggested dipping his hand in fire.
“Never mind,” I said, eating my breakfast.
I saw a message on his phone screen from “MM”. I wasn’t sure who it was, but I didn’t pry. I couldn’t read the content.
My own phone was clear of any texts from Talal. Our communication simmered down to our sit downs. This wasn’t going to work, but we were pushing through it, each scared to be the one to end it. We knew everyone would be devastated because we looked so good on paper.
I decided to test the water and sent him a picture of my breakfast, just to see how he’d react. I scoffed when he replied a few minutes later.
Enjoy
“What’s wrong?” Razzaq asked me.
“Nothing,” I said, putting my phone away. He knew not to probe. We both hid things from each other, and I’d like to think my secret was far worse.
My mother sent me a text and I almost choked. It was a picture of an invitation for yet another damn party.
“Are you kidding? Mama just sent me another wedding invite,” I yelled, hitting my head against the headrest and groaning.
“When and where is it?” Razzaq asked me.
I zoomed in on the invitation.
“What the heck! It’s tomorrow, Zaid. I can’t catch a damn break, I didn’t even book anything!” I began to yell.
“Take a deep breath. It’s a Saturday, not a Thursday, you’ll find appointments. And you have plenty of dresses. “If you need to go shopping, I can take you,” he offered, his voice a relief to my groaning. My chest felt like it was being crushed underfoot.
“You’re right. Maybe I’m just making a big deal out of it,” I said, sighing, and he chuckled.
Wedding again tomorrow.
I texted Yaqoub.
“Are you calling to make appointments or will you just complain to Jude or whoever?” My brother asked me.
“None of your business,” I said jokingly as I called my usual salons. Fortunately they were able to make time for me. Whew.
“Told you,” he said. He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.
For a second I almost considered telling him about my situation with Talal, but I didn’t.
He stopped at our chalet, where the maids took our suitcases from the trunk of his car to our designated chalets. I shared my chalet with Zaid, and I hated it. Why did I have to be the one to share a chalet with my brother? Yes, I was going to be mostly with my husband once I did get married, but I’d considered that my parents wouldn’t be so obvious about it.
“Looks like it’s a party,” I said, once we arrived at my grandmother’s chalet a few blocks down. Most of my uncles also lived in the chalets next to my grandmother’s, all overlooking the pristine view of Kuwait’s coast.
“Looks like it,” Razzaq agrees, giving his car keys to one of the drivers to park. There are rows and rows of cars parked outside, and I turned to my brother, panicking.
“I’m underdressed aren’t I?” I asked him. I was wearing a Dior jeans and jacket set, I almost was overthinking it but my mother asked me to send a picture of my outfit today and she did approve.
“You’re at the chalet, for crying out loud,” Razzaq said. “Just touch up your makeup,” he told me.
I took out my lipgloss and reapplied it again the windows of one of the cars nearby. Razzaq was on his phone, and nodded in approval once I was done.
“Can we leave early?” I asked him. Sometimes I forgot I was the older one.
“We can sneak out, sure,” he told me, opening the door of the chalet for me to enter.
“Wow,” I said, waiting for my brother to join me as we walked into the large reception hall, which was already filled with with plenty of our male and female relatives, too busy to even look at us. I could see my mom, eyeing us from the end of the room, by the floor to ceiling window overlooking the sea.
“Mama is by the windows on the other side,”
and I followed Razzaq, and he nodded. He began to greet each relative one by one, and of course, I had to do the same. It was clear why he was also my mother’s favorite.
“I was wondering where you were,” my grandmother told me and Razzaq once we kiss her forehead. I’d like to think he was also her favorite.
My shallow breath stopped once I was faced with no other than Talal’s mother.
God, no.
Her smile almost lit her face up when she saw me, and she held my face in her hands like I was some precious prize she’d found after losing for so long.
“Zaina, habeebti, how are you?” she said. By the looks of how comfortable she was with me I doubt she kept the engagement a secret. I gulped, but felt tingling liquid travel down my throat and into my stomach, poisonous and murky.
“I’m good, auntie, how are you?” I asked her with just enough sugar coating my words; artificial and saccharine.
I felt her eyes on me as I continued greeting the room, right behind my brother. It was only when we finally reached my mother that I was able to catch my breath.
“Quite the crowd,” Razzaq commented, looking out the window to where our cousins were.
“You’re late,” my mother scolded us, glancing again at my outfit but she didn’t say anything. She chose it.
“He’s outside. Keep it short, don’t make things obvious,” my mother told me once she got closer.
Talal was here.
I nodded, but I wanted to dart to the bathroom and not come out until this whole thing was over. Razzaq slid the glass door open, and like a sheep to wolves I followed him outside.
Our cousins gathered at the gazebo by the pool. I could see Talal from the corner of my eye, and I could sense him watching me intently. I hoped he made his mind about me. That it was over.
“Alsalam,” Razzaq began once we got in, shaking hands and hugging our cousins, including Talal and his sister.
“Hi,” I say to everyone equally, getting hugs and kisses back. Talal just shook my hand, but his sister went in for a hug. God.
It was fortunately a big enough gazebo to fit the twenty-something of us first and second cousins together, with other cousins walking along the beach, the girls mostly.
“Zayoon, where have you been?” my cousin Dana says as I sit next to them. She’s loud enough for Talal to hear, I think.
“Oh, just busy with work,” I said. It was kind of true.
“I honestly didn’t expect you to last that long. I’m impressed,” Shahad replied with a loud laugh. Some of my other cousins found that comment funny. I raised my brows at her.
“What do you mean?” I replied, stumped.
Shahad gave me an awkward chuckle. “Oh, I didn’t take you for the serious type.”
Ouch. I glanced at Talal quickly, but he was looking at her, as if he got new information about his fiancee from her.
“Did you just meet Zaina or something?“ Razzaq quipped, coming to my defense.
“Sorry,” Shahad said, embarrassed now.
“Guys, do you want to grab some burgers from the catering station?” Yousef, one of my cousins asked. The men stood up, leaving us girls alone now.
My phone buzzed with a text from no other than Yaqoub. I didn’t dare even look.
“When did you guys arrive?” I asked Haya, next to me.
“Oh like an hour ago or so?” she said. I nodded.
I looked at Talal, standing by the burger station, but he was talking to Dana, my cousin animatedly. More so than when he was with me.
Was I feeling jealous? Or maybe just insecure that I couldn’t hold a guy’s attention as well. At least Yaqoub was interested in me…or was it the concept of me?
Despite the chilly wind I felt a bit warm like I needed to air my body, run it through an ice bath maybe.
What could he possibly have in common with Dana?
I composed a text to Razzaq, but I soon deleted it. I did want to break up, but I didn’t want it to come from me. More like a mutual agreement so no one had to be blamed.
“Are you gonna get some burgers?” Haya asked me, standing up. I shook my head.
“I just had breakfast on the way here,” I said. I could really go back to my chalet. I didn’t want to stay here anymore.
Can you drop me off back to the chalet? But I don’t want Mama to know.
I sent Razzaq the text.
He immediately peeked at his phone while talking to one of my guy cousins, but turned me to with a raised brow.
Everything okay?
He replied.
Stomach ache
I texted back. I was genuinely starting to get nauseous.
I’ll meet you outside.
I sighed in relief, and make a quick, silent exit through one of the back doors where my mother couldn’t see me. I’d probably see my cousins the next day, and by that time I would’ve made up some story about food poisoning and whatnot.
“Thank you,” I said, getting into Razzaq’s car, still faintly smelling of my breakfast.
“It’s that damn breakfast,” he said.
“Shut up,” I said, breathing through my nose.
How could I tell him that it was from seeing Talal? How this time next year we’d probably be walking in together as bride and groom. God, I felt sick.
“You sure you don’t want Mama to know?”
he said. I nodded vehemently.
“Yeah, I’m positive,” I told him.
“Up to you,” he said. “Want me to stay for a bit?” he asked me as he made a turn to where our chalet was located.
“I’m good. I’ll call you if I need anything,” I replied.
“Things are okay with you and Talal, right?” he asked me after a long pause. I held my breath.
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“Like you were kind of avoiding him today,” he replied.
“Yeah because we’re not officially engaged,” I replied, stating the obvious, and I saw his body, limb by limb, relax at my reminder.
“True,” he replied, entering the driveway. “I’ll be texting you.”
“Thanks,” I said, unbuckling and leaving the car.
I went up to my room where the maids have already unpacked my suitcase, and changed into a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I slipped on my Birkenstocks and grabbed a bottle of water, feeling my nausea calm down.
I looked out of the balcony of the infinity pool and into the sea. I could go for a walk. I took my slippers off and went down the stairs, only to be faced with a girl on a beach chair staring at the sea.
“I’m so sorry,” she began. “Is this your chalet?” she asked. She was reading an Arabic book. She looked around my age with tanned skin and blonde hair that was kind of a sharp contrast. I could tell from her demeanor and way of speaking that she wasn’t someone any of my contacts would be familiar with.
“It’s fine,” I said. She had a cooler box beside her, like it was summer instead of the dead of winter.
“Sorry, the waves kept coming in so I had to go back,” she said.
“It’s fine,” I said. Usually I’d tell her to scram, but I wasn’t feeling it.
I walked by the sea and opened Yaqoub’s message:
Hope you’re having fun :)
Fun is only possible with Yaqoub now, not when everyone and everything else reminds me of Talal.
Instead of composing a text I called him, yearning to hear his voice again. I didn’t know if this was called the honeymoon period or what, but I didn’t see how we could ever have a big fight. I mean, I could imagine a scenario, but other than that I didn’t think we’d disagree on something to the point of a fight.
“Hello?” he answered, like I wasn’t supposed to be talking to him anyway.
“Hey, I actually left,” I said with a chuckle.
“Really? How come?” he asked me.
“I just felt suffocated,” I said. “I haven’t seen most of my relatives together in a room together in a long time,” I replied.
“So, are you home?” he asked.
“I went back to our chalet. Razzaq dropped me off,” I explained. “I’d invite you to come but god knows who’d be here soon,” I joke.
“I was kind of waiting for it,” he replied. “I’m kidding,” he added quickly.
Inviting a guy over to my chalet? What kind of trashy person was I becoming?
I glanced at the girl, still reading, behind me. She’d seem like the type to do that.
My phone buzzed with another call from my mom.
“I’m sorry, my mom is calling,” I told him. “Can I call you in a second?”
“Of course,” he said. I hung up and answered my mom promptly.
“Hi Mama,” I said, feigning a tired voice.
“What’s going on? Why did you go back to the chalet?” she asked.
The water almost reached me and I stepped back, not wanting to shriek from the cold on the phone.
“I’m having a terrible stomach ache,” I said, walking away from the sea so she wouldn’t catch on that I wasn’t in my room.
She sighed on the phone. “I wanted Talal and his mother to see you longer. Now it seems like you’re arrogant,” she told me.
“He knows,” I replied, lying. He didn’t even text to see where I went or why I was missing.
“Just get back as soon as you feel better. There’s some panadol and other medicine in my room,” she replied, almost annoyed that I didn’t feel well.
“Okay,” I said. There was no way I was ditching my sweats for my tight outfit again.
I walked back to the steps leading up to the chalet, finger hovering over Yaqoub’s named, when I pass:; the girl, still reading her book.
“I’m just curious, how did you access the beach?” I blurted out. The beach was public yes, but our neighboring chalets, all of whom we knew, made sure that we filtered out the public so we’d kind of have our own beach. How the hell did she filter through?
She placed a hand over her eyes to block out the sun to look at me.
“There’s an empty plot of land like five minutes away,” she explained. “I’m sorry, I’ll pack up now. I didn’t mean to bother anyone,” she told me. Heat rushed to my cheeks, almost embarrassed.
“No, no,” I objected. “I was just curious, that’s all,” I said. She nodded, but didn’t seem convinced. Yaqoub would judge me so hard now.
I left her and went up to the chalet, peeking through the balcony to see if she’d left yet, and she was actually starting to pack.
I was a bitch.
I bit my lip and walked back down to the beach, facing her.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by my question. You can stay,” I told her.
She smiled at me apologetically. “It’s fine. I need to get going anyway, thank you,” she said.
“If it’s easier to walk on the street you can pass through my chalet.” The words left my lips before I could stop them. She looked at the bag on her shoulder and the cooler box in another.
“Are you sure?” she asked me, and I nodded. It would shave off a minute or two from her walk.
“Thank you so much,” she said, climbing up the stairs with me. I could see her quickly glance at the chalet, before staring ahead.
“Mashallah you have a really nice chalet,” she told me with a smile.
“Thank you,” I said. I didn’t know how else to answer. “Are your bags heavy?”
She shook her head.
“No, there’s barely anything,” she told me.
I nodded. “It’s a bit cold by the beach, no?” I said and she smiled.
“It’s worth the relaxation,” she said. “I think your beach is the best,” she added once we approached the gates.
“Really?” I asked, and she nodded.
“Thank you,” she said as she was about to leave the gates.
“Sure,” I replied. Did I have to be so nice?
“Is it fine if I come again tomorrow?” she asked me. I hesitated. My mother would kick her out.
“I mean, sure,” I said. I’d have to distract my mother.
She smiled politely. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m Sara, by the way.”
I didn’t expect her to introduce myself. From her very blonde hair to her bright makeup she wasn’t someone I’d typically befriend. Who was I turning into?
“Zaina,” I replied. I had a feeling we’d be tied in ways I couldn’t expect.
