If You Only Knew Me (40 ◇ Muneera)

Dedicated to anon who was waiting for this chapter!
(Will get back to comments on the previous chapter once I have access to a computer!)

Happy reading, 

Cashmere
***

Thursday, December 26th, 2016...

"Rosegold la2 ta3alay!" I told my dog as I walked her back to the room we kept her in next to the garage.

I took off the leash and went through the door to get inside the house where I had to wash my hands after the sweat from holding the leash for so long.

I went on my Snapchat story to see who had viewed my story, which I hadn't posted on for a while. It was a snap of Rosegold walking, it was dumb but I just felt like posting something on Snapchat.

I scrolled through the views until I slowed down, realizing Fahad had seen it...as much as I was so enraged with him I couldn't remove him yet. What if he felt the same way too?
I didn't know how I would move on. He was so right for and together our relationship was on another level. There was no denying that; did he really feel nothing at all?

I went on the message Rawan had sent me just an hour ago right before I walked Rosegold and read it for the seventh time.

muneera maby minich shay bas aby agoulich ena ily baina intaha. ana kent atheq fech o re7tay wara thahry. o ba3dain mala da3y tgouleen 7ag danah o ildenya kelaha...ana ma3alamt a7ad bly sawaiteeh feeny bas eth6arait agoul 7ag fahad 3ashaan et7eseen bly ana 7asait feeh.
ana me7tarma nafsy 3ashan khalty fa basalem 3alaich 3ady bas men ilyoum o raye7 ana maly sheghel feech...

I shook my head in disgust.
The more I read it the more I hated her.

I scoffed as I replied with:

ok bye

I laughed to myself and hit send. I knew this simple reply was going to piss her off.
I went to the guest bathroom next to the dining room above my sister's lounge to wash my hands, and as I dried my hands I heard some sounds coming from the basement, Danah's lounge. They sounded like sniffs, like someone was crying.

I'd never seen Danah cry.
I didn't know she could.
Maybe Fajer was back again?

I walked down the stairs to peek at the lounge...but there was no one but Danah who had her legs up on the couch with her phone in her hand and her other hand on her face, wiping her tears.

"...دانة؟"
I called out and she immediately snapped her head in my direction before standing up and turning around, wiping her tears so I wouldn't see her cry.

" ليش ياية؟"
She asked me.

"امم-بس سمعتج تبجين...في شي؟"
I asked her with a shaky voice. I took a few steps towards her.

"please لا، صعدي فوق"
She said, now recomposing herself.

"روان طرشرتلج شي؟"
I asked her and she scoffed.

"لا تاكل خراها هاذي...خلاص قلتلج صعدي"
She said as she turned to me, her face was angry but her eyes were poofy and red, like she'd been crying for hours.

I bit my lip as I contemplated what I should say to her.

"له شغل باشخص اللي كنتي تكلمينه ودخلتيه البيت؟"
I said and she turned to me with her eyes wide open ...like she didn't expect this.

"شعرفج فيه؟"
She asked me.

"ك-كنتي تكلمينه لما يتلج عشان اسألج شي...بس ترى ما اعرف منو هو"
I said.

"عاد مع لقافتج توقعتج تعرفينه ولا مضبطته حق رفيجتج الصايعة هذي؟"
She said and I felt my jaw drop.

"دانة"
I said, but I said it too soft for her to stop.

"روحي دارج لا صج اخليج تتحسفين انج يتي"
She said and I gulped but I spoke, even if my voice was shaky. She couldn't keep talking to me like this.

"بروحج خسرتي فجر...منو بيساعدج الحين؟"
I said and she scoffed.

"حسبالج بس عندي رفيجة وحدة اكلمها نفسج؟ امبيه لا قاعدة تنرفزيني تكفين صعدي فوق يالله"
She said. She wasn't crying anymore.

"ليش كل مرة تعامليني جذي؟ ترى تعبت والله تعبت"
I said and my voice peaked as it grew louder.

"انتي شفتي نفسج اول شي؟"
She said and I gulped.

"شكلج ليلحين مصدقة ان اللي قاص عليج يحبج...تكفين منو بينعجب فيج؟"
She said with a scoff, like I was nothing.

Suddenly all the rage inside me that was built up exploded as I placed my two hands on my sister's chest and shoved her, but she only bumped into the sofa, she didn't even fall.

I was weak.
I didn't want to see her reaction, because I didn't want to hurt her more.

Tears and sobs escaped me as I shoved her again, but she didn't move. I groaned through gritted teeth and placed my hands on her for the third time, but I was too emotionally drained to move. Memories of Fahad clouded my head...I hated him, no, I hated that I still loved him. I hated who he was making me become.

I pulled my hands off of her chest and I caved. I sobbed into her...tears staining her shirt. My hands dropped to my sides and I hugged her, pulling her closer to me as I sobbed. Our first hug in what seemed like forever...but she didn't move.

She didn't hug me back...but she didn't pull back either.

I felt her turn her head behind her, realizing that her phone was ringing on the table, which vibrated loudly.
I let go of her, using my hands to wipe my tears and I turned around, away from her. It was emotional a moment ago but now it was like we were back to reality, our reality, of having nothing to do with each other.

"الو؟"
She answered the phone. I turned to look at her and she raised her brow at me, as if asking for me to leave, and this time I did.

I walked up the stairs, away from the lounge and to my room where I just sat on my bed, drowning myself in thoughts.
I waited for her to show up, I really did.
But I was getting tired, and sleepy so I crawled into bed and I knew she wouldn't check up on me.
She just didn't care enough and I hated that I aimed to please her most.

My phone buzzed besides me, Jana had sent me something on Instagram that I opened to see.

It was a really dumb meme but I smiled anyway, if she only knew the mess I was in.

Me: looool janooouy

I typed before I went back to my inbox.
I saw the DM I'd sent to Khalid and I went on it, before pressing on his profile to check it out.

Fajer was no longer following him and I was relieved.

Was this all because of me? Did I really have that influence to change the course of a person's life?

I went on Fajer's profile and bit my lip hesitantly before I pressed "Send Message".

My fingers typed out my thoughts and I knew it might sound weird or awkward but I hit send anyway. I literally had nothing left to lose.

Me: hii fajer!! shakhbarich?
im so sorry etha this sounds awkward aw shay bs kela knt aby agoulech sorry 3ala ili 9ar weya danah o ma knt adry ina you o khalid were together...

I hit send and went on the meme page Jana had sent me while I waited for Fajer's reply.
I tried not to look for Fahad's profile...I didn't want to see if Rawan was following him when I wasn't. What was the point? She won, anyway.

Fajer Al-F replied to...

I quickly pressed on it not realizing that I might come off as clingy or weird.

Fajer: ahlan manoura! il7emdillah tamam how are you?
so sweet wallah...bel 3aks wallah you did the right thing o i wanted to thank you for telling me the truth! 

I smiled as I replied to her with a monkey emoji and a heart, plus a "you're welcome"

Fajer replied shortly after.

Fajer: I'm sorry itha danah got mad at you btw..

I sighed...even she knew about me and Danah. How much did she know though?

Me: dw its nothing new loool...bs fee mara galatlich shay 3any like laish ma etkalemny aw shay? im still confused

Fajer: la wallah she never mentioned you bas Im more than sure she'll change fa don't worry

I didn't know why I felt a bit of relief when I read her message, like I trusted her.

Me: inshallah, thank you fajer

I'd realized Fajer acted more of a sister to me in five minutes than Danah ever did.

I was done with Danah.