If You Only Knew Me (9 ◇ Fajer)

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Happy reading, 

Cashmere
***

 Thursday, September 15th, 2016


"Fajer yallah," Mariam said as I huffed and got up from my seat while the rest of the group gossiped about some girl with us back in college getting engaged. Mariam and I walked back inside Vol 1 and stood by the pickup area to pickup our drinks which the servers gracefully put in crates.

I looked at my reflection against the window. My gray skirt reached right on my knees while my matching gray short-sleeved shirt looked nice against my tan which I was going to refresh at our chalet tomorrow. My short ombre hair reached right under my shoulders in loose waves, just the way I liked it. Mariam looked pretty in a pink dress, while her long hair was curled at the ends. She looked gorgeous in her usual day makeup that highlighted her wide eyes.

I looked at the message Khalid had sent me

Khalid: mategdereen teg3edeen shwaya akthar? baye in twenty minutes

I sighed and texted back.

Me: la wallah 7abeeby 3endy ghada 3end mama shaikha ams dagat 3alay galatly atghada

Khalid: bas chenich tawich ray7a?

I bit my lip, I really wasn't making excuses and I hoped he didn't think I was.

Me: eeeh i know wallah bs ma gedart ared'ha. I'll let you know awal ma I'm free

Khalid: mo trou7een ilgym o taksheteen feeny! 

I chuckled.

Me: tabeeny i get fat??

Khalid: la la khala9 7afthay 3ala jesmich wallah khayaaaal akhhhh

I smiled while Mariam eyed me before rolling her eyes, knowing who I was talking to. 

"انتي شيلي هذا"

She said, handing me a crate, which I took in return.

"ما راح تطيحينه؟"

She asked me.

"شايفتني ثولة؟"

I retorted and she chuckled. 

Right when I was about to turn around and follow Mariam back to our seat, a familiar voice called out behind me

"فجر؟"

I gulped, it was him. 
Abdullah, looking dapper in his dishdasha. He looked happier now, like he was relieved Haya was out of the hospital. 

He smiled as he held his cup of iced coffee.

"اوه اهلا"

I said, placing my crate of drinks back on the counter. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

"هلا فيج، شلونج؟"

He politely asked me.

"الحمدلله تمام، انت شلونك؟ وشلون هيونة؟"

I asked him, I watched Mariam pause by the door to cock her brow at me before walking back to our seats outside.

I hoped she didn't get the wrong ideas. 
I was with Khalid, still was and would always be.


"الحمدلله كلنا بخير، ها عندج بريك بعد؟"

He asked me. 
I was confused for a second until I realized that it was 1:30 on a Thursday. Lunch break.

"لا والله ياية مع رفيجاتي"

I said, realizing my answer was basically irrelevant to his question. My face burned up in response to this realization.

"يالله عيل لا اطول عليج"

He said and I smiled and nodded, grabbing the crate of coffee. He opened the door for me and I thanked him.

"سلمي على ليون، ولهانين عليها"

He said with a smile and I chuckled.

"ان شاء الله يوصل"

I could only say. I could feel my face redden up and right when I walked back to my friends I noticed they were all staring at me.

"فجر تلعبين على الحبلين؟"

Sarah teased and I jokingly punched her shoulder.

"اشتبييين"

I said as I sipped on my coffee, my face was still burning up. 

"منو هذا؟ ويهه مو غريب"

Danah asked me as bit on her straw.


"ابو رفيجة ليون"

I explained.

"اوله وانتي شكو فيه؟"

Mariam asked, flinging her dark hair behind her shoulder.

"وايد اشوفه مع بنته وجذي"

I simply said, hoping they'd change the subject. I didn't want them to know he was the man from the hospital; I didn't want them to judge him.

"7ail cute," Lulu said and I just smiled.

"Giltoulhum wiya skimmed milk 9a7?" Danah said, looking at her coffee suspiciously.

"Ee," Lulu said.

"ماني مصدقة"

Danah said as she got up from her seat to go back inside. She looked attractive in a pair of leggings and a blazer, her go-to look for work. Her pixie short hair was neatly pulled away from her face, exposing her glowing flawless skin that didn't even need makeup. She was drop-dead gorgeous as she was.

"الله مو كاتب نتيمع بقعدة سنعة"

Sarah said with a sigh. 

I pulled out my phone, realizing Khalid had sent me another text.

Khalid: still here?

Me: eeh, wainek??

Khalid: 10 minutes o akoun 3endich 6alabtech ta2akheray shway wallah aby ashoufich

Me: madry wallah ilshuware3 za7ma now akhaf at2akhar wayed fashla...feek cinema ilyoum? 

Khalid: maby cinema bara ta3alay baitna o netyama3 nshouf netflix..and chill;)

I had to chuckle.

Me: loool y9eer khaair, ok perfect 3ayal I'll tell Yasmine. 8?

Khalid: shit la barou7 arabica weya cham wa7ed at 8 bs akhale9 bser3a o ayeekom. tell yasmine

I scrolled through the chats, looking for Yasmine's name until I subconsciously reached Abdullah's chat, realizing that I still had him saved as Sdfsdhl. I chuckled and changed it to his real name; I was going to delete his number but maybe I would need it for emergencies, just maybe.

*
Later that day,

It felt like a weird day, I just didn't know why. Or maybe I did and didn't want to admit it.

I walked into the gym a bit earlier than the rest of my best friends since I wanted to do some walking om the treadmill.

"Hello Miss Fajer," Irma the secretary welcomed me.

"Hello Irma, how are you?" I asked her as I walked past her to the main machine area of the gym. I joined the empty treadmill next to the girl who thankfully changed the treadmill she had used last time. I guessed Danah really did tell her.

She looked familiar like I had seen her before but I wasn't sure where. She also looked bored as she walked while scrolling through her phone.

"بس انا شايفتج من قبل صح؟ sorry "
I blurted out and she turned to me, sort of confused.
I pressed my usual treadmill settings and began to walk.

"نعم؟"
She asked me, and I repeated my question.

"امم يمكن"
She said shyly and by the way she smiled softly I knew where I had seen her.

"امبيه لحظة انتي اخت دانة"
I said, pointing my index finger her way. Her eyes widened and her lips parted like she was caught doing something bad.

 "اي"
She said shyly.

"وأنا اقوول"
I said with a chuckle, trying to see the resemblance to her and the little girl I used to see come home from school. Her eyes weren't so small yet they weren't so big, her nose was just the right shape for her diamond-shaped face. The only resemblance she and Danah had were probably the same hair and eye color, and that was it. Yet she was still a pretty girl.

"الحين؟ تكفين لا تقولينلي الجامعة grade بأي"
I said, I first saw her four years ago and I last saw her around two.

"La eb Grade 11," she corrected with a blush.

"ما شاء الله"
I said with a chuckle.

"اي مدرسة؟"
I asked her. Was I being too talkative? It was just weird that Danah, my best bet friend, never talked about her or called her over.

"**S" she said.

"No way! Ana kent feeha!" I said and she smiled.

"؟senior year شلون"
She asked me, starting to make conversation now.

"امبيه احلى سنة، بس طبعا لازم تدرسين"
I said and she nodded, looking hopeful.

"ما كنتي تيين هني أول صح؟"
I asked her and she shook her head.

"بالفريج بس قلت خل اشترك هني بعد my dog بس كنت امشي مع"
She explained.

"La7tha Rosebud?" I asked her and she chuckled.

"La Rosegold!" she said, and I felt the ice break up a little bit.

We talked some more, mostly me doing the talking about my old dogs in our farm in Wafra. She was a great listener though, and she laughed easily which was something to admire in people.

"Lazem arou7, say8i we9al. Bas it was nice to meet you," she said as she stopped the treadmill.

"You too, see you soon," I told her with a smile as I watched her get down. She was definitely more approachable than Danah if anyone didn't really know them well.

I walked another ten minutes until I knew I had to save my legs for spinning. I walked to the reception and filled my glass with cucumber water, and waited for the girls in the lounge. It was almost 5:50 PM which was when we would be at the gym.

I went on Instagram and for some reason I felt like finding out more about this girl that was kept so hidden from me. I found her after three searches. Muneera B Al-N.
She didn't have a bio but her profile picture was of her from afar with the sea as the background, it was nice.

What was weird was that I didn't get the "followed by" note, not even Danah followed her.

"Hello-o," Danah said as she walked in with Lulu. She startled me and I almost dropped my phone in the process. I pressed the home button repeatedly until I was no longer on Instagram.

"شفيج اخترعتي؟"
She said with a chuckle as she sat next to me.

"كنت مندمجة بفديو"
I lied, readjusting my ponytail.

"my usual bike الصراحة انا بسبقكم واحجز"
Lulu said, leaving me and Danah alone.
I knew it was only moments later that Sarah and Mariam would be walking out of the elevators so I had to say something now if I wanted to know why Danah was so secretive about her sister.

"عاد تدرين اني شفت اختج هني؟ مشت قبل شوي"
I said, adding a chuckle to make things more normal. She snapped her face towards me.

"جد؟"
She said.

"اي، قلتلها اني شايفتها من قبل فلما قالتلي اسمها عرفت انها اختج"
I said but she wasn't smiling.

"اها"
Danah said, she wasn't amused.

"شفيج؟"
I asked Danah.

"ولا شي"
Danah said, faking a smile that was obviously forced.

"Ha yallah?"
Sarah and Mariam walked towards us with their gym bags that contained basically nothing they can't carry in a tiny pouch. They just loved the look of it.

"يالله بس اييكم عقب دقيقة"
Danah said with a sour smile as she walked away from us and into the glass consultation room.

"اليوم active فجور حدج"
Sarah said, wrapping an arm around my neck for a couple of seconds. I wasn't with her at all. I looked  behind me to see Danah pacing around on her phone, but she did not look happy. She was now yelling through the phone, but I couldn't hear anything from the glass walls.

I didn't know if I made the mistake of telling Danah or if I made the mistake of trusting who Danah really was.

We went to the spinning studio and I got on my usual bike, which was next to Danah's. She walked in with her nostrils flaring like she was really really pissed.

"Everything okay?" I asked her.

She just nodded as she got on the bike and I bit my lip wondering if I was the cause of it all.

The instructor got on the bike and music started playing for us to start spinning and by the end of the class I was panting so hard and I was so out of breath I just wanted to go home and take a long shower, only I had the movie night with Yasmine (and later, Khalid) to go to.

"You guys lazem amshy al7een," I said as I pulled out my car keys from the compartment on the spinning bike.

"جد؟"
 Lulu said with a frown, her curly baby hairs were sticking out of her face now but she still looked cute.

"اي والله"
I replied.

"عقب ما نرد البيت نتسبح ونبدل Little Ruby's قلت نروح نتعشا ب"
Sarah said and I smiled.

"-والله حيل ودي بس"
I began.

"هو شفيكم البنت اشكره بتشوف خالد يعني فهمهوها"
Danah said, knowing me well, and I laughed. Too bad I was starting to feel like I didn't know her at all.

"ايي صح صح"
Mariam said winking at me and I nudged her.

"Yallah see you," I said with a wave before I left the gym.

I got to my car and hurried home where I showered and got dressed in an oversized tee that reached just above my ankles paired with light black tights and my black converse. I put my half-wet hair up in a bun and accessorized a ton to look better. It was such a last minute look but I liked the result.

I added some eyeliner, light blush and a nude lipstick before I showered in perfume and left the house to go to Khalid's, just ten minutes away.

Yasmine: wainiiich

She sent me as I stopped at a red light in Damascus.

Me: kany omw!

Yasmine: you3anaa tabeen na6leb rockhouse??

Me: eeeh yallah makalait min ghada mama shaikha o ray7a spinning mayta youuu3

Yasmine: yallah khal a6lebb

I parked at their house, which was a very modern house with the most incredible outdoor lighting and got through the gates to the duwaniya which was now used as Yasmine's movie night since Khalid didn't use it much often.

I looked up at the house, knowing that I would be coming here every week in the future to visit his family, who were going to be mine too.

"Hiii," I said as I opened the door to see Yasmine on a beanie bag using her phone.

"Heeey," she said as she stood up to hug me. "Allaaah you smell fresh!"

"عسى شعري ما يكش بس"
I said with a chuckle as I sat on the beanie bag next to her.
She looked nice in a simple pair of boyfriend jeans and sleeveless top with her light brown hair falling down her tanned skin in long waves. Her eyes were light like Khalid's too, no wonder guys fell for her so easily.

"شنو بنشوف؟"
I said, grabbing a bottle of water.

"Endless Love?" she said as she pressed play.

"لا خنحط شي يضحك شوي"
I said.

"7abeebty I just went through a breakup okay?" she said and I chuckled.

We continued to watch the movie that I watched at least three times, 7efathta. When would Khalid be coming home?

Her phone buzzed midway.

"Foooood," she yelped as she got up from her beanie bag to go outside.

I texted Khalid while I waited for her.

Me: meta betrid? waiting for you xx

"جد بموووت"
Yasmine said as she walked back inside with a large bag in her hand. She divided the sliders and fries between us while she pressed play.

"امبيه خيااال"
I said as I took a bite of the slider in my hand. I was so hungry and it tasted more incredible than usual because of it.

My phone vibrated on my lap.

Khalid: count to ten

I smiled and counted backwards in my head.

Just as I reached 2 the door opened.

"One," I said and he laughed, holding two cups of Spanish lattes which he handed to me and Yasmine.

"بقعد هني عادي؟"
He said, pointing at the beanie bag next to mine.

"البيت بيتك"
I said with a smile as he plopped down next to me.

"وبيتج"
He said with a heartwarming smile.

"عادي تقصرون صوتكم؟ قاعدة اشوف الفلم"
Yasmine said.

"هذي من صجها قاعدة تطالع"
Khalid teased his sister and she stood up.

"فهمت النغزة خلاص بطلع"
She said as she got up and unplugged her laptop from the screen.

I took a sip from the spanish latte as I laughed.

"حراام"
I said to Khalid while pouting and he smiled slyly like he was up to something. He got up from his beanie bag and turned to face me, his body right above mine, separated by only centimeters away from each other as he plopped a hand right next to me to keep him steady.

"عادي اخذ؟"
He asked me, pointing at the fries next to me and I nodded. He stood up now and grabbed the fries before sitting back down.

"قلتلج ما راح احوشج"
He said while wiggling his brows and I chuckled.

"كنت بتحوشني"
I said as I ate the rest of my slider.

"انتي بتذبحيني على يوم"
He said with a smile and I smiled back softly.

"اسم الله عليك لا تقول جذي"
I said as I took another sip of the latte while he chuckled and relaxed on the beanie bag, his light eyes never leaving mine.

He scooted over just until our shoulders were two fingers apart. I could feel his body heat radiating against me, while his cologne that I loved teased my senses.

Should I let my guard down? We were going to end up together anyway, so should I be this strict with him?

I decided to get up before I did anything I would later regret.

"لازم امشي"
I said, placing the leftovers in the bag.

"لا تمشين"
He begged.

"وصلني البيت عيل"
I said with a smile and his eyes widened while he shot up from his seat.

We walked side by side to the garage and got in our cars, I drove ahead of him while he followed me all the way home to make sure no one really bothered me.

I parked at my spot in the driveway while he lowered his window and a smirk appeared on his face.

"تصبحين على خير فجورة"
He said and I smiled.

"وانت من اهله"