If You Only Knew Me (13 ◇ Fajer)

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Happy reading, 

Cashmere
***

Friday, September 23rd, 2016...

"ليان صيري عاجل اوكي؟ وله ماكو عيد ميلادات"

I said to my niece in the backseat as I parked by the driveway of her friend's chalet. I could already see it was a huge birthday party with at least five different bouncy castles, a huge stage, eight different food stations. For a nine year old? This was ridiculous.

Me: guys tawny o9al elshalaih, e7timal at2akhar half an hour


I texted my group. I was already pissed that Fouz had asked me to take Layan to the birthday party. She claimed she had to go to a wedding and Layan's father was out with his friends. Perfect.

Lulu: It's okay tla7geen 3ala round 2 loool


Lulu replied in the group chat and I rolled my eyes.

"Ka Hayouna!" Layan said as she opened the door of my car and jumped out.

"Layan!" I called out as I threw my phone on the passenger seat. Just as I got out of the car I exhaled in relief when I saw her hug Abdullah, who looked relaxed in a dishdasha with his sleeves rolled up. I didn't know why I felt so conscious of how I looked right now in my pair of black leggings, an oversized UCLA shirt and Hermes slippers. I didn't expect to see anyone I knew at all.

"Layan," I said with a sigh as I walked with the birthday girl's gift, I handed my niece the present she forgot and smiled at Abdullah and Haya.

"هلا والله شلونك؟"

I said to Abdullah as he smiled at me.

"الحمدلله بخير انتي شلونج؟"

He asked me, his eyes warm as he looked into mine. 

"الحمدلله"

I could only say.

"Hi Hayoun," I said as I bent down to kiss Haya's cheeks.

"ها زاهبة حق الحفلة؟"

I asked her.

"اوه من امس مو قادرة تنام"

Abdullah joked as he placed a hand on Haya's back.

"يالله بنات روحو، اذا تبون شي انا موجود هني"

Abdullah told the girls, pointing at his black Range Rover parked a couple of cars away from mine. The girls nodded and ran to the main party area. Was he really going to stay here the whole time? I honestly wouldn't blame him after what had happened to Haya.

"بتقعد هني؟"

I asked him and he nodded.

"كلها ثلاث ساعات"

He said with a shrug as we walked back to the parking area. I looked down at my outfit that was only appropriate for chilling at one of my friends' houses. I felt embarrassed but I couldn't let him sit here alone, not while he took on looking after my niece.

"...اها لان انا كنت بقعد فاذا عندك شي"

I lied.

"لا والله ماعندي شي"

He said with an assertive smile as I leaned against my car. He had one of those smiles that put you at ease, that assured you there was nothing to worry about.

"هذي سيارتج؟"

He asked me as he roamed around my G-Class. I nodded.

"شلونها؟"

He asked while looking around.

"وايد مريحة"

I could only say, looking at the two girls playing at one of the game booths.

"قاعد تشوف شلون ليون النزغة وهي تغش؟"

I asked him, pointing at Layan, who was leaning way in to hit the stack of cans with a ball. Abdullah turned to look ahead and laughed.

"ترى استانس عليها من بد كل رفيجات هيا"

He confessed and I laughed.

"صج تضحكني هالبنت"

I agreed and he smiled as he leaned against my car. I felt chills run up and down my spine, why was I getting them?

Should I stay or should I go? 

He was a married man and I wasn't single either.

 I didn't want him to get the wrong ideas yet maybe he was actually a very friendly and caring person who only wanted to look after his daughter and her friend.

I texted my group hastily.

Me: ya jama3a fashla lazem ag3ad. see you soon and sorryyy

I placed my phone in my pocket and looked ahead, wary of the man right next to me.

"فالحين تدرسين ولا تشتغلين؟"

He asked me and I turned to him. I felt his eyes pierce right into mine.

"لا هذا ولا هذا"

I quipped and his brow cocked in confusion.

"خلصت ماسترز بالصيف وقدمت على جم مكان الحين ناطرتهم يدقون علي"

I explained.

"شنو تخصصج؟"

He asked me.

"Finance," I replied.

"وين قدمتي؟"

He asked me as soon as I'd replied.

I listed him the names of the five companies I'd applied to months earlier. He listened intently before shaking his head in disapproval, surprising me.

"experience الحين بطرشلج لستة مكاتب تعاملت معاهم، وايد زينين وصج بتاخذين"

He said as his fingers flashed against his phone screen.

" .....واذا قالو منو قايلج عنهم قولي عبدالله الف"

He said and I nodded, wondering whether his family was the same family that owned a lot of well-known businesses.

"مشكور وايد"

I said as I read his message. They were lists of companies I hadn't heard of, but I trusted him.

"ما سويت شي"

He replied with a swift smile as he placed his phone in his back pocket.

"شوّقوني جني اشتهيت برد"

Abduallah said as he crossed his arms and looked back at the party. Cars were pulling out of the driveway now and parents were leaving, except for us, of course.

"Il soft serve?" I asked him and he nodded. I smiled, he didn't mock me for saying "soft serve" like Khalid sometimes did.

يا حمارة لا تقارنينهم ببعض شفيج؟

 I thought to myself.

"شوقتني"

I said with a chuckle and he cocked his brow at me.

"لحظة"

I said with a sly smile as I walked quickly to the garden where the party, sneaking through the crowd of kids and nannies to the soft serve machine.

"Can I have two please?" I asked the woman in charge of the soft serve machine. I looked around to see if any of the birthday girl's relatives had seen me but I sighed in relief.

"Which flavor madam?" she asked me.

Crap.

I laughed to myself and called Abdullah, remembering that I'd saved his phone number.

"شصار؟"

He asked and I chuckled.

"flavor نسيت اسالك اي"

I said and he chuckled.

"Umm, mixed please," he said.

"Khoush," I said as I hung up.

"Two mixed, please," I told the woman. I still looked around and hid when Layan and Haya almost passed by, I was dead if they saw me because I knew they wouldn't keep their mouths shut.

I thanked the woman and grabbed the two cones before dashing back to the parking area, where Abdullah was laughing in disbelief.

"مشكووورة"

He said as I gave him his cone, and our fingers brushed for a second, sending fuzzy sensations down my back again.

بس عاد فجر

"لحد يشوفنا بس"

I joked as we sat on a bench nearby.

"بقنا برد Technically"

He said, laughing at how ridiculous that sounded.

"عاد لا يدرون المكاتب"

I said and he chuckled.

"Blackmail, ha?" he teased.

"آقوى نوع"

I teased back and he smiled. We sat as we looked at the party ahead, eating our ice cream in silence with warm winds brushing past us.

"شكلج وايد مع ليان"

He said, breaking the silence.

"اي نوعا ما"

I said, brushing a stand of hair away from my face. I didn't want to stop the conversation and seem awkward but I didn't know how to keep it going.

"تشوفين هيون شوي وتفوز؟"

He said excitedly as he pulled out his phone. I looked far into the distance to see Haya playing musical chairs with just her and two other girls left. I turned to Abdullah, who was busy filming the whole thing.

"يالله هيا"

He said, mostly to himself.

The music stopped and we both sighed in relief as Haya sat on one of the two chairs. I looked at Layan who was jumping up and down to cheer on her friend.

The music resumed and they continued to play, with Haya squatting each time she reached the chair in case the music stopped.

"ماقدر اشوف"

Abdullah said as he looked away and I laughed, soon realizing my voice was going to be heard on the video, whoever he was going to show it to, anyway.

The music stopped and Haya, with the quickest reflexes I'd seen, shot down on the chair while the other girl sat on her lap.

"We have a winner!" I heard the Filipino hostess say and Abdullah cheered, even if his daughter could barely hear him.

"شهالخرعة ها؟"

Abdullah said with a chuckle.

"كانت سريعة ما شاء الله عليها"

I said as he watched the video.

"اخ جني يعت"

He said.

"Popcorn?" I teased and he chuckled.

"Sushi," he corrected.

"من وين؟"

I said with a laugh and he waved his phone at me.

"عندج الدعوة؟ خل احط العنوان"

He said as his fingers typed on his keyboard. I opened the door of my car and handed him the invitation, which he used to copy the address from.

"اي نوع سوشي تحبين؟"

He asked me.

"California roll,"

I said with a smile.

"اشوى حسبالي كنتي بتقولين عيسى ماكي"

He said and I scoffed.

"لا والله؟"

I teased and he laughed, eying me before returning to his phone. God I knew I needed to act more formal, way more formal.

"Two california rolls, eight salmon nigiri, two spider rolls, ba3ad?"

He said.

I laughed.

"صج بتطلب؟"

"تبين نبوق اكل اليهال مرة ثانية؟"

He replied sarcastically and I smiled.

"جنه كافي، مشكور"

I said.

"Drinks?"

He replied.

"Diet coke,"

I said.

"Two diet cokes," he muttered

"عاد عسى ما يتاخر ونقعد ننطره عقب الحفلة"

He joked.

"تخيل"

I replied and he chuckled.

He was a really sweet person, it showed. I doubted he had other intentions other than being a gentleman.

"؟California متى رحتي"

He asked me, pointing to my shirt  that I was now embarrassed by.

"قبل سنتين على ما اعتقد، رحتلها؟"

I asked him.

"اكثر Florida اي رايحلها، حبيتها بس استانست على"

He said and I suddenly jumped up.

"!صح؟ وايد اونس"

I said and he smiled

"وين رحتي بعد؟ غير امريكا؟"

He asked me.

" احنا نروح نيس تقريبا كل صيف"

I said, rubbing my hands against each other.

"وايد كويتين ها؟"

He asked me and I nodded.

"وين تروح اكثر شي عيل؟"

I asked him.

"والله انا من زمان ما سافرت سفرة سنعة مع الشغل واللوية، مسكينة هيا عيزت تحن علي اروح معاهم سويسرا بس حدي اسبوع ولا تصير صدمات بالدوام"

He explained and I smiled.

"الله يخليها لك"

I said with a polite smile.

We sat in silence, looking at the party and commenting here and there about the kids playing the games and their silly dances. My phone buzzed on my lap.

Khalid: are you in bnaider?

Me: ee bas I'm with layoun, 

Khalid: 3ady a6ale3kom both. starbucks ra7al?

I hated that I was barely spending time with him, I felt so so bad.

Me: next time lel2asaf, lana I'm supervising her and her friends.

It wasn't entirely false.

Khalid: next time bas goulay you don't want to go mafeha shay

I felt my mouth gape at his reply. I'd never felt so guilty in my life.

Me: wallah mu qasdy a9lan adry inny mga9ra ma3aaak wallahh but I'm really busy. I'll make it up wallah.

Khalid: I hope so babe lana I miss you

Me: I miss you more wallah

I put my phone aside, trying not to think too much of it. How would he react though if he saw me right now sitting on a bench with Abdullah?

I was a horrible person...

"الو؟"

Abdullah suddenly said before standing up, I looked up at him, worried if something had happened and he needed to go.

"Yes we are by the parking, next to the gray car," he said. "Okay thank you, yes I see you."

I saw the delivery driver hand Abdullah two bags before taking his tip and driving off. Abdullah walked with a huge grin on his face.

"Party crashers ha?"

I teased.

"هذا حدنا"

He teased back as he opened the bags and I laughed.

We dug out the containers of sushi.

"Chopsticks،"

Abdullah said as he handed them to me and I smiled before I grabbed them and opened the lids of the containers. I turned around on the bench with the food between me and Abdullah.

"لحظة"

I said as I stood up and took a picture of the food with the background of the party and Abdullah chuckled. I didn't add it to my snapchat story since I didn't want Khalid or Yasmine to see it.

"حدنا مو مصدقين"

I said as I sat back down and ate the California roll, which was so unbelievably good. Sushi was so tricky to eat in public, I had to cover my mouth between bites because the bites were so big I was sure it looked funny.

"خيال"

He said as he reached out for another sushi nigiri.

"؟Zuma مجرب"

I asked him.

"Nobu لا والله بس مجرب"

He replied.

 "لذيذ جد Nobu"

I said.

We ate until there were just a couple of rolls left.

"يالله هذيل حقج"

He said, pointing at them as he threw the empty containers into the bag.

"لا والله حقك الحمدلله شبعت"
I said.

"واحد حقج وواحد حقي"
He said as he picked up a roll and I chuckled, picking up the last one. 

I said as I stood up and cleared the bench. I wiped my hands and mouth with a wet napkin and Abdullah carried the bag to the trash can nearby.

"اكرمك الله"

I said.

"حياج الله"

He replied as we sat back down.

We talked for a few minutes, he asked me where I'd graduated from. GUST, while he graduated from North Eastern University with a degree in Management. He used to go to my old school, but I couldn't remember him since I was literally in Grade 1 when he was a senior, doing the math, he was thirty-four, exactly eleven years older than I was.

Sounds of yelling surprised us and I saw Haya jump into Abdullah's arms in surprise as he lifted her and swung her around, while Layan stood next to me to show me her goodie bag. God I missed birthday parties.

"عادي ليان تنام عندنا اليوم؟"

Haya asked her father and I held in a laugh.

"ويه هيون الحين خلص الليل"

He said.

"هذا ويهي اذا ما نامو بالطريج"

I teased and he chuckled.

"يالله عيل اماشيكم؟"

Abdullah said as he unlocked his car while Haya got in, buckling herself. I didn't know how to get Layan to do it.

"Umm okay," I replied as I got into my car. It was sort of late to be driving from the chalet to the city by myself...

I took the lead and left the driveway of the chalet through the inner streets and out to the highway, careful of the incoming cars. Abdullah was right behind me, making sure he didn't lose sight of me.

After a twenty minute-drive we finally stopped at a traffic light and my phone lit up.

Abdullah: نامت؟


 I looked at a sleeping Layan behind me and laughed. I took a picture with a flash, which still didn't wake her up, and sent it to him.

He sent me a picture of Haya, who was fast asleep too.

Me: Haha khoush sleepover


The lights turned green and we drove again until I entered Adailiya to drop Layan off at her house. Her nanny was waiting right outside for her. I unbuckled her from the car while her nanny carried her and bid me goodnight.

Abdullah suddenly reversed his car and lowered his window.

"خوش عيد ميلاد"

He teased.

"اي والله وايد اسانست"

I replied with a chuckle.

"لا صج كان شي غير"

He siad.

"؟next birthday partyها عيل اشوفك بال"

I teased.

"goodnight ليش لا، يالله"

He said with a smile before raising his window and I waved.

I looked at my phone's clock it was just 9:30, I had an hour and a half I could spend at Sarah's house, which was in Adailiya. Perfect.

I decided to surprise the group and drove to Sarah's house two minutes away, for some reason looking out for a black Range Rover. I parked by Sarah's house, as it was full with my other friends' cars and walked downstairs to her basement where we gathered when Danah couldn't host us. 

"Hello-o," I called out as I opened the door and the girls yelled in surprise.

"!يا حمارة خرعتينا"

Mariam said as she stood up to hug me. I hugged the rest and joined them at the table where they were playing some poker game, without money, of course.

"ترا اكو بلعة هناك"

Lulu said, pointing at the buffet.

"ورق عنب بيتنا"

Sarah said, knowing how much I loved her house's infamous dish.

"لا والله شبعانة ماكلة سوشي لي قلت بس"

I said as I laid down, feeling my stomach a bit heavy.

"؟birthday partiesبعد، سوشي ب"

Mariam said in surprise.

"ما شفتي شي"

Danah replied as she was busy with her phone.

Was she talking to him? Hamad?

Who was I to judge, though...

I looked at each of them and wondered if they would approve of the way I'd acted tonight. Was I being just friendly or a bit too friendly towards a married man especially when I'd cancelled on Khalid?

I took my hand of cards and tried to shoo the thought away, but the more I tried dismissing the thought the more it came back to guilt me.