I turned to look at Zaid who was still looking at Lulu and me.
I stormed to Zaid, each step filled with confusion, rage, and even more confusion as I motioned for him to follow me. He was also confused as we stood in an empty corner, away from where others, specifically Lulu, could see us.
"Zaid laish ga3d itchathib 3alay?" I yelled.
"Mafahamt," he said.
"Lulu galalti inik glt kalam 3ani 3nd Abdullah b shalaihik," I told him. He shook his head in confusion but then realized what I'd meant.
He pressed his tongue against his cheek.
"Zaid, simple question, ee wala la2?" I said. He knew which question I was talking about.
Zaid ignored me.
"Ee?" I said.
"Ee okay?" he said, blowing up, like he hated that I knew I wasn't just a friend to him. I didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. Why did he have to bottle up his feelings like that? Why didn't he want to open us and let me know?
"Laish ga9ait 3alay? Laish khalaitni a9adig ina ana wala shay bl nisba lik?" I said, realizing that my voice was growing louder and louder as I spoke.
He scoffed.
"Niyah, intay wain oo ana wain," he said.
I remembered Faisal's words.
Why did the both of them have to look down on me? Why did they have to constantly remind me that I was no match for him?
"Well fuck you. Managait ay 7ayat a3eesh feeha. Bas 3ashan inta 3ndik khair oo wild 3ayla mu ya3ni tgi9 3alay oo tlakhb6ni," I told him. I'd never said the F-word aloud before, but I was just so annoyed with him that I said it. I didn't even regret it.
He looked confused.
"Niyah 7asbalich ana shayif nafsi 3alaich?" he said, sounding hurt.
"Shdarani 3anik!" I said, confused as well.
He scoffed again.
"Niyah, ana qa9di il3aks. Matistahlain wa7id nafsi, sum3iti bl ar'6, ahali lay3a chabdhum mini, ma7ad lah khilgi oo ma aloumhum," he said.
He meant the opposite of what Faisal had said.
"Zaid laish wayid it7abi6 mn nafsik?" I told him, as I calmed myself down and lowered my voice.
"Niyah mat3arfeeni," he said as he looked away.
"Mabeech it3arfeeni, ana '3al6an ma kan ilmafrou'6 akhaleech itrideen itkalmeeni."
"Kl hatha oo ma3arfik?" I said.
"3ayal t3arfeen 3an hatha?" he said, as he pulled out a small plastic bag from his pocket, it contained some sort of powder in it.
It couldn't be.
"Z-zaid shinu hatha?" I said, backing away. "Min mita?"
He sighed as he looked away, not trying to see the disappointment in my eyes even though I wasn't really disappointed, I was just confused and surprised at his behavior. Why would he do this to himself?
"Mn 3ugub ma radait the US, 3ugbich. Mu minnich, latloumeen nafsich. Mukhi kan b kil mukan, I was a mess. Hatha laish Zaina oo ukhwani ma ga3d yhimhum ay shay, bas, they gave up ma3ay. I don't blame you itha intay ba3ad you gave up," he said. I shook my head.
"Zaid mu lazm itsawi hal shay," I said as I inched towards him.
"Mu lazm itjamleeni," he said as he looked away and wiped at his eyes, which sent tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Zaid, shoufni," I said, sternly.
"Hatha mu gadrik, tadri laish 7ta lama gltli ini I'm just a friend oo 7ta 3ugb ilvideo mawakhart? L2ana adri you're a good person. Tithakar shkint gabl la itsafer? Shkithir wanastni?
Zaid I lost part of my family bas I gained you, oo hatha akthar mn ili 6alabta," I said, my voice was shaky but I didn't care. I couldn't lose him and let him ruin his life when he thought I didn't care. I did care, more than even his own family.
He was still wiping his tears away with his sleeves, and he couldn't look me in the eyes. I felt like my heart was ripped into a million pieces as he looked hopeless and like he'd given up on everything. I didn't know what to do or what to say as I was still in shock at everything.
I turned my head to see if anyone was watching our emotional discussion and I did.
I found Zaina look at us from far away: looking at Zaid who was in tears, and me as I tried to comfort him, and I couldn't care less. She looked stunned to see him like this, and maybe stunned to see me actually comforting him. That served her right to think all I was behind was his money; she didn't even come to see what was going on between us. No wonder Zaid was acting out and felt the way he was feeling.
I turned to Zaid again, who seemed like he was trying to get over his breakdown, but I didn't blame him for feeling that way.
I stormed to Zaid, each step filled with confusion, rage, and even more confusion as I motioned for him to follow me. He was also confused as we stood in an empty corner, away from where others, specifically Lulu, could see us.
"Zaid laish ga3d itchathib 3alay?" I yelled.
"Mafahamt," he said.
"Lulu galalti inik glt kalam 3ani 3nd Abdullah b shalaihik," I told him. He shook his head in confusion but then realized what I'd meant.
He pressed his tongue against his cheek.
"Zaid, simple question, ee wala la2?" I said. He knew which question I was talking about.
Zaid ignored me.
"Ee?" I said.
"Ee okay?" he said, blowing up, like he hated that I knew I wasn't just a friend to him. I didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. Why did he have to bottle up his feelings like that? Why didn't he want to open us and let me know?
"Laish ga9ait 3alay? Laish khalaitni a9adig ina ana wala shay bl nisba lik?" I said, realizing that my voice was growing louder and louder as I spoke.
He scoffed.
"Niyah, intay wain oo ana wain," he said.
I remembered Faisal's words.
Why did the both of them have to look down on me? Why did they have to constantly remind me that I was no match for him?
"Well fuck you. Managait ay 7ayat a3eesh feeha. Bas 3ashan inta 3ndik khair oo wild 3ayla mu ya3ni tgi9 3alay oo tlakhb6ni," I told him. I'd never said the F-word aloud before, but I was just so annoyed with him that I said it. I didn't even regret it.
He looked confused.
"Niyah 7asbalich ana shayif nafsi 3alaich?" he said, sounding hurt.
"Shdarani 3anik!" I said, confused as well.
He scoffed again.
"Niyah, ana qa9di il3aks. Matistahlain wa7id nafsi, sum3iti bl ar'6, ahali lay3a chabdhum mini, ma7ad lah khilgi oo ma aloumhum," he said.
He meant the opposite of what Faisal had said.
"Zaid laish wayid it7abi6 mn nafsik?" I told him, as I calmed myself down and lowered my voice.
"Niyah mat3arfeeni," he said as he looked away.
"Mabeech it3arfeeni, ana '3al6an ma kan ilmafrou'6 akhaleech itrideen itkalmeeni."
"Kl hatha oo ma3arfik?" I said.
"3ayal t3arfeen 3an hatha?" he said, as he pulled out a small plastic bag from his pocket, it contained some sort of powder in it.
It couldn't be.
"Z-zaid shinu hatha?" I said, backing away. "Min mita?"
He sighed as he looked away, not trying to see the disappointment in my eyes even though I wasn't really disappointed, I was just confused and surprised at his behavior. Why would he do this to himself?
"Mn 3ugub ma radait the US, 3ugbich. Mu minnich, latloumeen nafsich. Mukhi kan b kil mukan, I was a mess. Hatha laish Zaina oo ukhwani ma ga3d yhimhum ay shay, bas, they gave up ma3ay. I don't blame you itha intay ba3ad you gave up," he said. I shook my head.
"Zaid mu lazm itsawi hal shay," I said as I inched towards him.
"Mu lazm itjamleeni," he said as he looked away and wiped at his eyes, which sent tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Zaid, shoufni," I said, sternly.
"Hatha mu gadrik, tadri laish 7ta lama gltli ini I'm just a friend oo 7ta 3ugb ilvideo mawakhart? L2ana adri you're a good person. Tithakar shkint gabl la itsafer? Shkithir wanastni?
Zaid I lost part of my family bas I gained you, oo hatha akthar mn ili 6alabta," I said, my voice was shaky but I didn't care. I couldn't lose him and let him ruin his life when he thought I didn't care. I did care, more than even his own family.
He was still wiping his tears away with his sleeves, and he couldn't look me in the eyes. I felt like my heart was ripped into a million pieces as he looked hopeless and like he'd given up on everything. I didn't know what to do or what to say as I was still in shock at everything.
I turned my head to see if anyone was watching our emotional discussion and I did.
I found Zaina look at us from far away: looking at Zaid who was in tears, and me as I tried to comfort him, and I couldn't care less. She looked stunned to see him like this, and maybe stunned to see me actually comforting him. That served her right to think all I was behind was his money; she didn't even come to see what was going on between us. No wonder Zaid was acting out and felt the way he was feeling.
I turned to Zaid again, who seemed like he was trying to get over his breakdown, but I didn't blame him for feeling that way.
"Zaid mn wainlik ildrugs?" I asked him.
He looked away again. I wanted to just hold his face and let him look at me.
"Zaid," I said, sternly.
He gulped before answering.
"Mn Essa ukhouch."
He looked away again. I wanted to just hold his face and let him look at me.
"Zaid," I said, sternly.
He gulped before answering.
"Mn Essa ukhouch."
***
I know this isn't as long but I tried:(
I know this isn't as long but I tried:(
twitter: @cashmerepoison
mn aqwa elposts wow mashalaa i love ur way of writing cant wait till the next postt!!!! i think niya is strong enough to help both her brother and her lover
ReplyDeleteAww thank you so much! ❤️❤️ Coming very soon inshallah!;p
DeleteOhhh emmmm geeeee!!! Not drugs!!!
ReplyDeleteAllah e3eeenah to quit. Oo enshallah niyah is strong enough to help him despite all the force that will be moving against her (her mom, zaina el kareeha, lulu)
FH
Exactlyyy, at least they have each other!:)
DeleteThanks for commenting! ❤️
I don't like this Zaid at all. She really does deserve better, she needs a reality slap! Can't wait for tomorrow's post(s)?
ReplyDeleteH.