More Than You Know (Muneera ◇ 4)

I got into my room and closed the door behind me, standing still by the door.

Did it really happpen?

Did I just see him?

Did he really see me?

God, if I could look at him again. He looked more handsome now that he was almost out of his teens.

Yet, my heart ached at how he played me and lied to me. 

I wished I had someone to tell them everything. 

Jana and I were no longer close, we just said hi to each other but that was it. I guess she found her group when we got into college and I finally found mine. There was no need to pretend we were best friends just because we were all we had. 

If anything, I wish I hadn't known her at all. My life would be so much different. My sister and I could've been close. My reputation in front of Fahad wouldn't be so awful and I wouldn't have gotten into the mess I got myself in with the whole sending pics on Snapchat thing.

I had no one to tell.

What should I do now?

I licked my lips and thought to myself, getting annoyed at my own answer of doing nothing. I needed to show him that I moved on when in reality part of me was still in denial of what had happened. Two years had passed and I was still not over him. 

How could I be? 

He was the first boy I ever loved and he still had fragments of my heart.

I still blocked him on whatsapp and deleted him off Snapchat.

 I didn't want to show him I still cared as much as I did. I was so close to unblocking him but I restrained myself.

I sat down on my bed and sighed, still overwhelmed. 

I went in Instagram and looked at the likes and comments on my recent pictures to distract me at least. 

I smiled at Fajer's comment. It was such a shame she and my sister were still not friends, especially when I was getting to know and like her.

I checked the inboxes and went on my group chat that included my cousins and sister. Rawan was in the group too, if course. I never participated if my response required anything other than laughing face emojis.

3ashaaat dandooon!

Rawan, of all my cousin texted after she sent a post of my sister with her fashion line, looking focused on adding the final touches on one of her pieces.

I pressed on the post, which had so many comments cheering for my sister. At least ten were from Rawan. It pained me knowing that she was still closet to my sister than I was.

I pressed on my sister's private Instagram, which was tagged in the comments and felt my stomach sink when my request to follow was still gray. 

I bit my lip and unrequested, watching the bar turn blue.

I didn't want to request again and be ignored again, let alone denied. 

Sighing, I decided to risk it and text her.  I went on whatsapp and entered the chat the we so ever used. Our messages were basically her asking me if I took something of hers or if I had seen it. That was it. 

Heeey! Shloun the exhibition?! 

I texted, then I realized that I sounded way too fake.

Hi Danah, shloun the exhibition? I hope everything's better than you hoped 

There. That was better. No bullshit or anything.

I checked the time. 

3:30 PM. 

I still had an hour or so to kill before our next outing. 

I pursed my lips.

Don't do it...

I did it anyway. I went on Tumblr, which I hadn't accessed in forever and finally managed to find his URL, from a post of his with almost 6,382 notes. 

I pressed on his URL

Deleted. 

I didn't know what to think of it. 

I went on Twitter, an app I hardly ever used and looked for his account, which was pretty easy to find since he had the same unique username for every account. 

I found it. It was private as well with a rather old looking profile picture like he too isn't used the app in years.

I was a bit sunken. Part of me had hoped to see some tweet that was meant for me, which made me feel somewhat guilty if not pathetic.

I was almost done with my moment of social media guilt stalking.

I went on Instagram and onto Rawan's following list and it actually hurt me to see that she was still following him. 

I checked get following and I almost jumped out of the bed in surprise: he wasn't following her back.

What happened between them? 

Were they still on or did he leave her after what she'd let him do to me?

*

The next afternoon I was excited to go to the cinema with my cousins to watch a movie I'd actually been excited for.

I told them I would meet them there, which was a seven minute walk from our hotel while they'd head over from their shopping trip twenty minutes away. 

Me: bosal ilcinema early fa shino your orders? 

I texted as I waited for the elevator on my hotel floor. 

Badriya: salt popcorn one dairy milk and seven up please 

I copied it and posted it onto my notes so I wouldn't forget anything. 

The elevator came to a stop and I looked up from my phone to enter but I froze momentarily. 

Of course.

Of course.

Of course.

I finally snapped out of it and walked into the elevator, standing a few steps away from Fahad and right next to a blonde old lady for whom I was glad was there. 

The elevator stopped again and I prayed that the woman wasn't going to get off. I almost sighed in relief when I saw an Indian man get on. 

The more the merrier...I thought.

The awkward elevator ride seemed to last forever and I was pretty sure I was the first one out when I left the elevator.

I got messages about cinema orders just two seconds upon leaving, where were they when I needed a distraction in the elevator?

I copied and pasted the orders as I walked into Starbucks. 

"يالله عاد"

I muttered to myself, seeing Fahad enter the cafe before me.

I really hoped he didn't think I was following him...

I stood in line with two people between us, he didn't turn back and I was glad he didn't notice that I was behind him.

I waited two minutes until I ordered my coffee, hoping he would pick up his order and leave without seeing me. 

But he didn't.

I grabbed my iced Americano two seconds before he grabbed his iced white mocha. 

He noticed me.

My eyes accidentally met his. 

Though I noticed a small smile appeared on his lips as if it was a smile he had meant to hide but slipped. I immediately looked awa

There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, so many things I wanted to know.

 I thought I had moved on but I was dead wrong.

"شلونج منيرة؟"

He finally said, almost as if he was building up the courage to speak. I turned to look at him, look deep into those eyes that I once knew so well.

"الحمدلله...انت شلونك؟"

I said, hoping I didn't sound anything other than formal.

"الحمدلله"

He replied, his lips still parted as if he wanted to say something. He closed them again and I was disappointed...

"شلون الجامعة؟"

I asked, surprisinh both myself and him with the question. 

"الحمدلله، أنتي بالجامعة بعد صح؟"

He asked. 

"Ee, GUST,"

I said. I could've slapped myself, he didn't even ask which college I went to. 

He nodded, the cat still catching his tongue.

"اممم...عن اذنك مواعدة بنات خالتي أتوقع ناطريني"

I word vomited. TMI...

I went on whatsapp and bit my lip as I pressed "unblock"

What was I going to get myself into?