More Than You Know (Jana ◇ 1)

Just a note:

This might look similar to the previously posted chapter but I have made some changes. Also I listened to your requests and was able to switch to Fajer and Muneera's POV's! So yes, this would be the first and final chapter with Jana's POV.

Cashmere
***

 (Trigger Warning: SA) 
Thursday,
December 2016

I couldn't tell Muneera about this, or else she'd freak. I already hated the way she looked at me when I showed her the texts Khalid had shown me; like she wasn't happy for me at all.

Yet in the end, he came back to me, not Fajer, but me. That had to mean something didn't it?

I smiled as I giddily watched Khalid park his Defender in front of Starbucks, looking so hot in his sunglasses that I couldn't believe I was sitting here with him, on the way to his chalet.

"تنزلين؟"
He asked me while unbuckling his seatbelt and I nodded. I was so excited about this day already. I walked beside him towards the entrance where he opened the glass door for me. I couldn't contain my smile; I was just too happy.

I loved how we didn't have to fear being seen in public together now that he and Fajer broke up. I might still be in high school but I tried my best to look like I wasn't his little sister. I wanted to be seen as his partner and not little sister from the first glance.

I was wearing a pair of leather leggings and a white-off shoulder top. I let my hair down in waves that reached my elbows. My makeup was flawless after spending almost an hour and a half on it: my doe eyes were framed by perfectly applied winged eyeliner, my cheeks were a cute blush and my high cheekbones were accentuated by the contour I'd applied and popped by a highlighter. My freshly cleaned brows were dark yet thin and perfectly arched. My full lips were dewed with lipgloss. I knew I looked good and I didn't leave the house without making sure of it.

"Yes?" the barista asked us.

"I'll have one tall cold brew and a tall vanilla ice shaken, caramel up and down," Khalid said while glancing at me with a cocked brow to see if he'd gotten my drink right and I beamed, resulting in a smile from him that warmed me all over.

"Anything else? Sandwiches? Cheese croissant?" the barista asked and I quickly grabbed a strawberry lollipop and placed it on the counter.

"This too please," I said with a smile and looked at Khalid, who smiled back. I could drown in those light eyes of his. I sensed some girls line up behind us now, but I didn't care how they looked at me. I had everything that I ever wanted and I had what everyone wanted.

"Thank you, Khalid," I said in a soft voice while he paid. He smiled at me, like he couldn't wait to be with me alone.

We walked to the pickup station where I looked around, unbothered.  I was happy, and that was all I cared about.

We grabbed our drinks and made our way back to the car.

"شاليه؟"
He said with a smirk and I smiled back.

I missed our chalet outings, which happened almost twice a month if we were lucky. His chalet was my favorite place in the world; where I could be myself, where I could be with him. My future was crystal clear in that chalet; I felt that I would wake up next to him every weekend soon. Not soon enough, but soon. I just needed to keep him pleased so he wouldn't move on like he did with Fajer. But I knew I gave him what he was looking for and Fajer didn't. I knew him more than I knew myself and I was sure I knew him more than anyone else.

He was mine as I was undoubtedly his.

He turned up the volume of the music once we were on the highway and I laughed, joining him in signing our hearts out to the song. I loved everything about this moment, just us and no one else.

"الطلب مضبوط؟"
He asked me, placing his cap backwards on his head, which made him even hotter than he already was.

"لا ما قلتله يحطلي كاراميل؟"
I asked him with a serious face and his smile faded while he knit his brows together.

"امبلا قلتله"
He said, looking at my drink suspiciously.

"لا ما قلتله"
I teased.

"اكيد؟ جني قلتله"
He said.

I pursed my lips to keep from smiling but his reaction got me laughing.

"حسافة كنت بشكك بنفسك بس كسرت خاطري بسرعة صدقت"
I said with a laugh and he raised his brows amused.

"والله؟"
He said as he sped through the highway with a speed that made my back stick to the chair and made my stomach shrink into the size of a fist inside me. I laughed, exhilarated by the thrill of it.

I put my drink to the side and unwrapped my strawberry flavored lollipop and placed it on my tongue, feeling the taste of strawberry mask the taste of my iced coffee. I could see Khalid's eyes flicker towards me. He placed his right hand on my thigh and I rested my hand on his, feeling his warmth pulse through my body.

I couldn't wait to be alone with him, I wanted to be at the chalet already.

My heart raced now that we entered the street leading to the chalet. The familiar modern house just sent a rush of excitement flowing through me and I couldn't wait to get inside. It was my safe haven.

Khalid parked and we hauled our small suitcases with us to the chalet, which he unlocked. It was spotless, as always, and so pretty to look at. Despite coming here more than four times, I still couldn't get over the view of the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the infinity pool by the sea. The best part was that none of the neighboring chalets were occupied so we had the place all to ourselves.

We got into the elevator, the silence a flirtatious language between us and set the suitcases on his bed.

"ودي اسبح قبل لا تغيب الشمس"
I said as I looked out the window of the bedroom to the pool on the ground floor. I looked at the time on my phone: 5:25, I barely had an hour to swim.

"تسبحين؟ شفتي الهوا برة؟"
He said as he unzipped his suitcase.

I shrugged and took off my sweater to reveal my bikini top, knowing he was seeing me. I slipped off the leggings until it was a pool underneath me and I smiled at him while grabbing a towel from the closet. I was so glad my makeup was waterproof.

"اكيد ما تبي؟"
I teased, watching him look at my body that was outlined by the sun.

He shook his head and smiled, as if weak. I was good.

My bare feet gracefully stepped down the stairs until I was outside by the pool. Cold winds blew past me but I couldn't not miss the opportunity. I dipped my toe into the pool to test the waters, cursing it for being so cold. I took a deep breath and jumped in, screaming from the cold underwater and when my head popped out I could see Khalid laughing and clapping, amused the I had done it.

'بارد ولا مو بارد؟"
He teased and I splashed him.

"عادي راح اتعود عليه عقب جم دقيقة"
I said, feeling my jaw quiver from the cold, which made him laugh harder.

"ودي اصدق"
He said, crouching by the pool now.

I extended my hand towards him but he shook his head.

"عشان تيريني؟ اعرف حركاتج"
He teased.

"يعني الحين انا اقوى منك؟ اذا طبيت تسبح معاي واذا قدرت تطلعني عيل خلاص بطلع"
I dared and he rolled up his sweatshirt, amused. A smile darted on his face and his light eyes locked onto mine. I smiled and grabbed his hand, feeling his firm and warm grip against me.

"...واحد...اثنين"
He said and on three I tried to pull him towards the pool but instead I was pulled outside the pool, feeling my knees touch the linoleum floor and the water drip onto the floor. The wind was chilly now and I was shivering.

"اعادة تكفى"
I begged and he laughed, wrapping me with a towel. He slid one arm underneath my knees and one arm wrapped my lower back, and he hauled me up from the floor where I laughed in his arms, feeling safe and warm.  I pressed my head against his chest, feeling his heartbeats through his shirt and I smiled, comforted at the sound.

We got into the elevator, where I felt warmer now.

"دمرتي الدنيا"
He teased and I smiled.

"استاهل والله"
I said and he dropped his arms until I was almost on the floor before he picked me up again, resulting in me letting out a yelp. He laughed just when the elevator doors opened and he put me down on the floor.

"انا بنطرج تحت على ما تخلصين"
He said, letting go of my hand and I smiled.

"ما راح اطول"
I promised and he smiled.

I hurriedly washed my hair and body, moisturizing it with his favorite body lotion scent, vanilla, and slipped into a pair of leather shorts and a one-shouldered sweater.

I blowdried my hair quickly so it fell in natural waves down my makeup, although it did drip with water here and there but I was in too much of a rush to worry. I applied my mascara and lipgloss before spraying myself with perfume, slipped on my socks and went downstairs to the large living room, where he was chilling watching TV with a bowl of popcorn on his lap.

I picked up the popcorn bowl and rested my head on his lap while my feet were on the couch.

"Miss me?"
I teased, seeing a twinkle in his eye and I smiled. I would sell my soul to know what he was thinking right now as he looked at me. Those mesmerizing light eyes of his bore into my dark ones, sending shivers down my spine and I knew it wasn't because I was cold.

"شعرج ليلحين رطب"
He said, raking his hand through my hair.

"ما كنت ابي اطول عليك"
I said with a smile as I sat up straight now and fixed myself so that I sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, inhaling the strong cologne he was wearing. I looked at his eyes before crashing my lips onto his, immediately feeling his strong hands roam throughout my body.

I opened my eyes to find him look at me wildly, and I knew what his eyes meant. I stood up and took his hand into mine, guiding him to the room upstairs. He grabbed my waist and twirled me around before I landed on the bed. I felt his lips on my neck, his breath hot and hungry for me.

His hands fumbled with my sweater, and I helped him pull it off. I slipped off my shorts immediately and helped him undress.

Immediately I buried my face against his skin wherever I felt it while he planted kisses against my bare body. I felt his hands fumble with my underwear now, pulling it lower but in spite of the rush we were both feeling, I placed my hand on his. This was a line we both agreed not to cross, for now.

"خالد"
I said, sitting up and he looked me in the eyes, while I felt the intense attraction die down. I hated myself for stopping him when he was clearly enjoying it.

"ليش؟ ما تصدقيني؟"
He asked me, his breath warm against my collarbone.

I gulped and nodded.

"امبلا بس خايفة"
I admitted, placing my hand on his shoulder and rubbing little circles with my thumb.

"لا تخافين"
He said and I gulped.

My heart was racing now and I felt my legs squeeze against each other in distress, I wasn't ready for this. We both agreed to not rush it, at least not when we weren't engaged.

"جنى"
He begged, almost scolding me for backing down.

I shook my head, feeling my throat clog up but he didn't seem to be fazed by it.

"خالد والله مصدقتك بس خايفة"
I admitted, but he wouldn't take it for an answer.

I felt his hand squeeze the sides of my mouth and my eyes widened in surprise.

"ترى حتى انا صدفتج، لما قلتي ما راح تقولين حق احد عنآ،"
He said, his eyes wild with rage now, as if his masked slipped.
I was scared, I still loved him, but I was fearful of this new side of him.

"شنو؟"
I struggled to say through his grip.

"ليش فضحتينا؟ تدرين كنت صج احب فجر ليش تخربين علاقتنا؟"
He said and my heart raced fast against my chest. I never told anyone about us except Muneera, who already knew. I made her swear not to tell anyone, yet she did.

"انا اعتذرت منج وسامحتيني صح؟ هم رحتي ورا ظهري وفضحتيني، صح؟ مو كنت قايللج بس تتخرجين اخدج بالحلال؟"
He said and I nodded, feeling fresh tears escape my eyes and fall to the side. His light eyes weren't so light anymore.

I nodded, still fearing him.

"دام انج خربتي عليّ حتى انا بخرب عليج"
He said and I felt his forceful grip move from my mouth to my body, where he took control over me and I couldn't fight it.

I felt him fumble with his pants at first but the next feeling was something I did not expect to happen so soon and so forcefully. I let out a scream, knowing no one would hear it, as he forced himself against me.

 I couldn't look him in the eyes, I wasn't sure if I was ashamed of my reflection against his orbs, ashamed of betraying his trust, which I blamed on Muneera, or scared of how angry he was at me. Like everything that had happened was a lie. All of it.

Pain soared through my body and tears rushed out of my eyes while I gave in and surrendered myself to him; losing all control of my body. I couldn't decide whether I hated him or myself more.

I could only look at the ceiling, watch the lights stare back at me, burning my eyes with shame for what I’d done, telling me that I deserved this, that this was what I had asked for.

I didn’t know for how long I just laid there. It felt like eternity but I tried to disconnect from the reality of it all but I couldn't. Hell couldn't even describe it.

I heard him groan and his weight lifted off me, cool air caressed my body like it was back here to comfort me in this big lonely house, which used to be my safe haven. 

I didn't deserve to be comforted. 

I heard him wear his pants and grab something. With my eyes still closed I heard the balcony door open and a cool rush of wind sent a chill down my spine. The smell of cigarettes began to fill my nostrils, inhaling his breath, feeling like he had full control over me now. 

I took deep breaths and turned to my side, away from him, with tears rolling down my face and sobs finally escaped my throat. They didn’t relieve me, they didn’t relieve the anger I was feeling. 

"خالد؟" 

 I thought I heard someone call out. I felt my eyes open wide.

 "خلووود؟"

The voice said again. I definitely heard it.

A girl was coming up the stairs.

"Shit," Khalid said, running from the balcony to the doorway.

"ياسمين شتسوين هني؟"

He said.

"اقدر ايي؟"

She said.

"لا، شيايبج هني؟"

He said, his voice almost trembling.

"هو قلتلك الاسبوع اللي طاف عازمة ربعي على الشاليه"

She said.

He cursed under his breath again.

"انزين عطيني 10 دقايق وانزل" 

He said.

He turned to me, his eyes wide with rage and fear.

"قومي سوي اغراضج ولبسي"

He said and I nodded, trying not to look straight into his eyes.

I began to pack my suitcase, not bothering to pack it properly. I didn't care if my shampoo would spill all over my clothes I just did what I was told. Anything to get out of here as soon as I could.

He didn't say a word to me while he packed. I waited for him to finish packing, avoiding looking at my reflection in the mirror or any reflective surface. 

Khalid finally picked up his suitcase and I followed him downstairs with mine. 


I didn’t want to think about what had happened, because every time I did I wanted to crumble into a ball and just disappear. I didn’t want to exist anymore. Bile rose up my throat now that my brain began to replay scenes of what had happened in that room but I couldn’t let it out, not in front of everyone where I knew he would be mad at me for. 

"Oh..." he said, stopping in his steps. There was a curly haired girl right next to his sister on the couch. God I felt so cheap.

"السلام عليكم"
He said, before hurrying for the door.

I tried to hide behind him but I already knew they'd seen me. Khalid's sister was probably used to his behavior, used to the girls so much that he didn't even bother hiding me from her.

I walked with Khalid to the door but my eyes fell on the curly haired girl, whose mouth was open in a small “o”.  His sister couldn’t even look our way from the shame she’d been feeling, having her friend see her br

He hurriedly left the chalet and hauled the suitcases into the trunk of his defender where I got in the front seat, fearing what would happen if I got into the back.

I was trembling and it wasn’t from the cold. He slammed the door and didn’t put his seatbelt on before he flew out the driveway. 

I couldn’t even use my phone from how terrified I was. 

He blinked his lights at the car ahead of us to move but the car went even slower. He swore to himself and swerved onto the incoming lane until he was next to the car that slowed us down. He lowered my window to yell at the driver.

"من صجك؟"

He yelled. The guy lowered his window to reply to Khalid but my eyes like locked with the eyes of the person next to him. 

I recognized him, some cousin of mine...

I looked at my lap with my face burning with shame. What did everyone think of me? Tears streamed down my cheeks and I could only look at my hands, unaware of the verbal fight that was happening until my window finally rolled up and we were on the road again

He was driving so fast that I was worried we might crash, and for once I didn’t mind it. I deserved it. 

He was driving 180 in the fast lane and I just closed my eyes, feeling my tears fall down my face and onto my lap.

He finally entered qortuba and sped towards my block. I just wanted to go home, away from him and away from everything that reminded me of him. 

He parked by my house and unlocked the door but before I could leave he grabbed my wrist and looked me in the eyes. My stomach was in knots now and I could feel the bile rise up my throat again. 

"ماله داعي اقولج اللي صار تخلينه بينج وبين نفسج لآن تعرفين انا منو وتعرفين اني آقدر اخرب صورتج اللي حتى انتي بتلوع جبدج من نفسج"

He threatened and I nodded, feeling fresh tears stream down my cheek and I didn’t want him to see me so weak. But it was too late. 

"اخذي اغراضج"

He let go of my wrist and I took it as a cue to leave the car. I pulled out my suitcase and closed the trunk. I watched his car move away from my house until I couldn’t see it on our street anymore. 

I held in my breath to control myself. 

I remembered the pictures I’d sent him that I didn’t send to anyone else. He knew so many people that I knew I was done for if anything got out. Not just my pictures, but what he could say. Everyone liked him and trusted him. 

I carried my suitcase with me inside to my room and busied myself with unpacking but even that didn’t help; I’d bought lingerie I’d hoped to wear this weekend to surprise him, but he beat me to the surprise.

I threw my suitcase onto the floor and sat on my bed, burying my face in my hands and sobbed. It still didn’t relieve the pain from inside me. 

It was from that moment when I knew life would never be the same again.