I stood outside the door of my father's house with a tray of desserts I'd ordered in the morning.
It was an off white house with lots of large windows and palm trees by the entrance.
This was a bad idea, I didn't want to have lunch with him now. I didn't even have an appetite because of all the nerves that were making me nauseous.
I took a deep breath and walked into the house I rarely went to. I didn't even have a room there.
"Ilsalam 3alaykum," I said when I entered the living room; I hadn't been here in forever. The place felt so foreign to me. I placed the desserts on the table next to the entrance so hopefully the maid would pick it up.
My dad put down his newspaper and my brother, oh God he was there, looked up from his phone and furrowed his brow while sitting with his legs on the couch. Did he not know his own sister?
"Hala yuba shlonik?" I said as I kissed my father's forehead.
"Essa shlonik?" I said as I kissed my brother. It was so awkward, I couldn't stop cringing at how awkward it was.
"Ha shlonich yuba?" my dad said as he sat up straight. His wife wasn't there, of course she wouldn't be.
"Il7mdillah bkhair," I told him as I sat on an empty couch. I was so nervous and at the same time glad that I didn't stutter.
"Ha takharajtay?" he asked me.
"Ee gabl esboo3ain," I replied with a smile.
"3al baraka," he said. Essa was on playing his phone, wala chinni ga3da at7acha.
"Allah ybarik feek mashkour," I replied.
I tried to find something to talk about, so I talked about my trip to France, but my dad seemed to be losing his interest as his eyes looked at the newspaper in front of him and picked it up. Typical dad move.
I cleared my throat and stuff my hands under my thighs.
"Essa goolihum 76oun il'3ada," my dad said.
Essa got up and called the maids to prepare the table while I was left alone with my dad. I was too nervous and mndagra to talk about anything.
"Ha shlakhbar Essa? Shlon ilsh'3l ilyom? 7alaw ilmshkilla?" Dad asked his favorite child when he came back.
Essa finally spoke, and I didn't know whether to listen or to leave them alone.
I followed them to the dining area and sat at the table. I waited for my father and brother to put food first before I did. They were still talking wala chinni mawjooda.
I looked at my plate of salad and a piece of chicken; it was so little that no one even commented about how little I had or put some more food onto my plate. I was just so nervous that I didn't really have an appetite.
I tried to listen to their conversation and behave like a normal daughter/sister but first of all I didn't really understand what they were talking about and second they probably didn't care what I'd thought and appreciate me being quiet even more.
Plus, I didn't even know what to talk about if I tried to open a conversation. I bet they wouldn't really be interested.
It was so uncomfortable wala chinni I was with my family.
"Umm akramkum allah," I said as I stood up after eating and listening to their conversations that I couldn't have a say in.
"La 3ala wain?" my dad said. Was he serious?
"Ee wallah 3ndi cham shay 7ag iljam3a," I replied. Total lie.
"Aha yallah bltawfeeg," he simply said, not even begging me to stay. Essa didn't even look at me; jerk.
"Ameen, mashkour. Yallah ma3a ilsalama," I said as I walked away from the table. They didn't reply but continued their conversation.
I quickly left the house and got into the car before bursting into tears. This was a huge mistake, I shouldn't have come here; they never really wanted me so why did I even bother being part of their family?
My maid patted my back as she complained to the driver on the way home. I didn't know what she said but I was sure inha baridat chabdi.
I walked in to my house, which I'd never been happier to be in, and forced a smile as I greeted my mom. I didn't want her to be unhappy.
"Ha shlon '3adach?" she asked as she played on her iPad in the living room. I tried not to show that I was going to cry or had already cried in the car.
"Umm zain, zain. Shlon '3adach?" I asked her, trying to sound casual.
"Wallah maku, sawoli hindi dam innich mu mawjouda," she teased. I hated indian, but I was glad she didn't see my misery past my faked casualness.
"Bl 3afya," I said with a chuckle.
I went to my room and jumped on my bed. At least that was over with; I was never gonna ask my dad to have lunch with them ever. I think.
All I have left now was university. I decided on petroleum engineering since I had a high GPA and I heard good things about that major.
But one thing for sure was lunch with my own father was more stressful than applying for college.
/
I was nervous as hell for the meeting with Lulu and Sarah
The two girls arrived at 6pm exactly. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
"Umm ahlan," I said as I let them in. No kisses, no hugs, no smiles.
"Hi," they replied together. They didn't look like they wanted to be here at all. Me neither, but I only did it for my mom's sake.
"Um nrou7 '3urfiti?" I asked them but they only nodded as they avoided looking at me and looked around the house they had been to a million times before.
They followed me up the stairs to my bedroom and I closed the door behind me. They sat on my bed and I stood facing them .
I cleared my throat, like I was giving a speech, and took a deep breath before I spoke. I'd rehearsed my "speech" at least ten times making sure I hit the important points and didn't leave out anything.
"Tara wallah I miss you guys," I begin to say.
"Oo intaw eb 7isbat khawati fa mabee y9eer shay oo nftirig, already b niftrig bl jam3a. Bas gabl la itgooloun shay abi awa'6e7 nafsi.
9ij ini '3ala6t b Paris, bas ana in9idamt mnkum intaw ilathnain, Lulu you called me a bitch oo Sarah you assumed inni I slept with him? La oo hatha madri intaw shfakartaw fee 3anni ba3ad. The reason inni ri7t fog 3nda kan li2ana he needed company, ma kan ra'6i ygooli shfee bas galli family emergency oo kan shakla 9ij fee shay oo khtara3t fa re7tla. Fa bas shfna TV oo tkalamna, oo knt banzil '3urfiti bas kint khaifa anzil ibrou7i oo uhwa kan nayim fa nimt b his suite bas b mukan thani oo nmt 3ugba oo ga3adt gabla.
Yom ilgraduation iktishaft inna umma feeha cancer, fa 3ashan chithi kan yabeeni ayeela l2ana ma7ad kan ysa3da b Paris '3airi ana. Adri inni '3ala6t oo kan ilmafroo'6 agoolikum bas khft mn tafkeerkum ili already fakartaw fee. Bas matadroon shkithir he needed me to be there," I said. They were silent.
"Uma 9ij maree'6a?" Sarah asked. I confirmed.
"Al7een bainkum shay?" Lulu simply asked. I shook my head. He never texted me and I never texted him after the graduation.
"Khubri fee b graduation oo that's it," I said, and that was it.
"Itkalmeena?" Sarah asked. I shook my head.
"Tadreen things won't go back to normal mn al7een 9a7? Ya3ni okay we can be friends again bas a7is inna you'll always be hiding something minna. Niyah i7na killa ingoolich kilshay y9eer oo il9ara7a we got hurt. Lo gltleelina innich btrou7een chan we would've had a completely different reaction '3air 3an lama chakainach. Oo I'm sorry for calling you a bitch, wallah ma kan qa9di bas kint 7ail ma9douma," Lulu said. She had a point.
"Adri," I said with a sigh.
"Bas wallah mara7 akhish 3ankum shay mn al7een," I said.
Sarah apologized for her accusations, and soon the waterworks commenced as we hugged it out.
"Tara ba8ait athba7ha lama intay ma kntay ma3ana, 7adha 7ana," Lulu said about Sarah, and I laughed.
"Shraikum n6la3 3asha bara?" Lulu said, changing the subject.
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
Zaid was calling.
***
Dedicated to Aseel :*
It was an off white house with lots of large windows and palm trees by the entrance.
This was a bad idea, I didn't want to have lunch with him now. I didn't even have an appetite because of all the nerves that were making me nauseous.
I took a deep breath and walked into the house I rarely went to. I didn't even have a room there.
"Ilsalam 3alaykum," I said when I entered the living room; I hadn't been here in forever. The place felt so foreign to me. I placed the desserts on the table next to the entrance so hopefully the maid would pick it up.
My dad put down his newspaper and my brother, oh God he was there, looked up from his phone and furrowed his brow while sitting with his legs on the couch. Did he not know his own sister?
"Hala yuba shlonik?" I said as I kissed my father's forehead.
"Essa shlonik?" I said as I kissed my brother. It was so awkward, I couldn't stop cringing at how awkward it was.
"Ha shlonich yuba?" my dad said as he sat up straight. His wife wasn't there, of course she wouldn't be.
"Il7mdillah bkhair," I told him as I sat on an empty couch. I was so nervous and at the same time glad that I didn't stutter.
"Ha takharajtay?" he asked me.
"Ee gabl esboo3ain," I replied with a smile.
"3al baraka," he said. Essa was on playing his phone, wala chinni ga3da at7acha.
"Allah ybarik feek mashkour," I replied.
I tried to find something to talk about, so I talked about my trip to France, but my dad seemed to be losing his interest as his eyes looked at the newspaper in front of him and picked it up. Typical dad move.
I cleared my throat and stuff my hands under my thighs.
"Essa goolihum 76oun il'3ada," my dad said.
Essa got up and called the maids to prepare the table while I was left alone with my dad. I was too nervous and mndagra to talk about anything.
"Ha shlakhbar Essa? Shlon ilsh'3l ilyom? 7alaw ilmshkilla?" Dad asked his favorite child when he came back.
Essa finally spoke, and I didn't know whether to listen or to leave them alone.
I followed them to the dining area and sat at the table. I waited for my father and brother to put food first before I did. They were still talking wala chinni mawjooda.
I looked at my plate of salad and a piece of chicken; it was so little that no one even commented about how little I had or put some more food onto my plate. I was just so nervous that I didn't really have an appetite.
I tried to listen to their conversation and behave like a normal daughter/sister but first of all I didn't really understand what they were talking about and second they probably didn't care what I'd thought and appreciate me being quiet even more.
Plus, I didn't even know what to talk about if I tried to open a conversation. I bet they wouldn't really be interested.
It was so uncomfortable wala chinni I was with my family.
"Umm akramkum allah," I said as I stood up after eating and listening to their conversations that I couldn't have a say in.
"La 3ala wain?" my dad said. Was he serious?
"Ee wallah 3ndi cham shay 7ag iljam3a," I replied. Total lie.
"Aha yallah bltawfeeg," he simply said, not even begging me to stay. Essa didn't even look at me; jerk.
"Ameen, mashkour. Yallah ma3a ilsalama," I said as I walked away from the table. They didn't reply but continued their conversation.
I quickly left the house and got into the car before bursting into tears. This was a huge mistake, I shouldn't have come here; they never really wanted me so why did I even bother being part of their family?
My maid patted my back as she complained to the driver on the way home. I didn't know what she said but I was sure inha baridat chabdi.
I walked in to my house, which I'd never been happier to be in, and forced a smile as I greeted my mom. I didn't want her to be unhappy.
"Ha shlon '3adach?" she asked as she played on her iPad in the living room. I tried not to show that I was going to cry or had already cried in the car.
"Umm zain, zain. Shlon '3adach?" I asked her, trying to sound casual.
"Wallah maku, sawoli hindi dam innich mu mawjouda," she teased. I hated indian, but I was glad she didn't see my misery past my faked casualness.
"Bl 3afya," I said with a chuckle.
I went to my room and jumped on my bed. At least that was over with; I was never gonna ask my dad to have lunch with them ever. I think.
All I have left now was university. I decided on petroleum engineering since I had a high GPA and I heard good things about that major.
But one thing for sure was lunch with my own father was more stressful than applying for college.
/
I was nervous as hell for the meeting with Lulu and Sarah
The two girls arrived at 6pm exactly. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
"Umm ahlan," I said as I let them in. No kisses, no hugs, no smiles.
"Hi," they replied together. They didn't look like they wanted to be here at all. Me neither, but I only did it for my mom's sake.
"Um nrou7 '3urfiti?" I asked them but they only nodded as they avoided looking at me and looked around the house they had been to a million times before.
They followed me up the stairs to my bedroom and I closed the door behind me. They sat on my bed and I stood facing them .
I cleared my throat, like I was giving a speech, and took a deep breath before I spoke. I'd rehearsed my "speech" at least ten times making sure I hit the important points and didn't leave out anything.
"Tara wallah I miss you guys," I begin to say.
"Oo intaw eb 7isbat khawati fa mabee y9eer shay oo nftirig, already b niftrig bl jam3a. Bas gabl la itgooloun shay abi awa'6e7 nafsi.
9ij ini '3ala6t b Paris, bas ana in9idamt mnkum intaw ilathnain, Lulu you called me a bitch oo Sarah you assumed inni I slept with him? La oo hatha madri intaw shfakartaw fee 3anni ba3ad. The reason inni ri7t fog 3nda kan li2ana he needed company, ma kan ra'6i ygooli shfee bas galli family emergency oo kan shakla 9ij fee shay oo khtara3t fa re7tla. Fa bas shfna TV oo tkalamna, oo knt banzil '3urfiti bas kint khaifa anzil ibrou7i oo uhwa kan nayim fa nimt b his suite bas b mukan thani oo nmt 3ugba oo ga3adt gabla.
Yom ilgraduation iktishaft inna umma feeha cancer, fa 3ashan chithi kan yabeeni ayeela l2ana ma7ad kan ysa3da b Paris '3airi ana. Adri inni '3ala6t oo kan ilmafroo'6 agoolikum bas khft mn tafkeerkum ili already fakartaw fee. Bas matadroon shkithir he needed me to be there," I said. They were silent.
"Uma 9ij maree'6a?" Sarah asked. I confirmed.
"Al7een bainkum shay?" Lulu simply asked. I shook my head. He never texted me and I never texted him after the graduation.
"Khubri fee b graduation oo that's it," I said, and that was it.
"Itkalmeena?" Sarah asked. I shook my head.
"Tadreen things won't go back to normal mn al7een 9a7? Ya3ni okay we can be friends again bas a7is inna you'll always be hiding something minna. Niyah i7na killa ingoolich kilshay y9eer oo il9ara7a we got hurt. Lo gltleelina innich btrou7een chan we would've had a completely different reaction '3air 3an lama chakainach. Oo I'm sorry for calling you a bitch, wallah ma kan qa9di bas kint 7ail ma9douma," Lulu said. She had a point.
"Adri," I said with a sigh.
"Bas wallah mara7 akhish 3ankum shay mn al7een," I said.
Sarah apologized for her accusations, and soon the waterworks commenced as we hugged it out.
"Tara ba8ait athba7ha lama intay ma kntay ma3ana, 7adha 7ana," Lulu said about Sarah, and I laughed.
"Shraikum n6la3 3asha bara?" Lulu said, changing the subject.
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
Zaid was calling.
***
Dedicated to Aseel :*
twitter: @cashmerepoison
Don't let niyah trust the girls a7s warahum salfa
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