It was Talal night, and God did it feel like I was combing through it in agony.
I watched him in our grand reception fidget with his fingers, like he wanted to leave. Like he had somewhere more important to be.
We suffered through the awkward silences, enough to convince us that this would not work.
I couldn’t tell him that news of our engagement was starting to spread; maybe he already knew, or worse, he’d propose we’d announce very soon. Which I couldn’t do; not at all. It would break Yaqoub and it would break me.
“How is work with you?” he asked me; like my answer would differ every time.
“It’s okay. You?” I asked.
“It’s ramping up, we’re actually winning the-“
And then I zoned out. He lost me.
My stomach curled in impatience and agitation; I hated listening to him talk about work, or anything for that matter. I needed an outside perspective on what to do; not Razzaq—hell no—but someone else.
I had my dinner with Sara tomorrow, as nervous as I was about it. I met the girl very briefly—what if she wanted to be friends for my status?
Still, I could ask her.
“Is your mother here?” he asked me. I shook my head.
“No,” I replied. She could be, but I couldn’t let him open the door of an earlier announcement. “Why do you ask?”
He shrugged. “I just thought I’d say hello to her,” he said, like the boring gentleman he was.
“I’ll let her know,” I said with a polite smile.
“That’s a nice cake,” he said, taking another bite.
“It’s our house’s speciality,” I replied about our famous vanilla crumb cake. He nodded.
“When did you say you were traveling again?” he asked, and it was clear his question had some suggestions.
“In three weeks,” I said. I didn’t mention my trip to Abu Dhabi happening the next week.
He nodded.
“Would you like to announce our engagement before you travel?” he said.
My eyes widened, and my breathing shallowed. That was exactly what I was afraid of.
“My engagement dress wouldn’t be ready yet,” I said, making up any excuse to decline.
He looked disappointed.
“No worries,” he said. “It’s just that news of us started to spread.”
I pretended to be surprised. “I don’t know about that,” I replied. “But I’m sure it’ll die down with time.”
He simply nodded, not believing me. Maybe it would die down. I couldn’t announce it yet; not before my trip with Yaqoub. It would crush him, and I was sure he paid a good price for the tickets.
I couldn’t do it to him.
***
Wednesday evening
The night was starting to warm up, allowing for a light cardigan and an outdoor restaurant seating, which was what I opted for as I was about to meet up with Sara for dinner.
I couldn’t believe I was actually doing it. I told my mom it was one of my old college friends because no way would she allow me to go out with someone like Sara. Id never even heard of Sara’s last name; which she mentioned as she gave me her phone number on Snapchat.
I’d never been to this restaurant before. Usually I’d go to the “TK” ones in the city, but I was somewhere in Jabriya, a busy restaurant I’d only ever heard influencers talk about a year ago on Snapchat. I didn’t even know it was still in business.
“Hii, sorry I’m late!” a voice behind me said, and I stood up to greet her. She kissed me twice on one cheek and sat down in front of me. I found myself judging her outfit choice: a cropped denim jacket over a skin tight white top, accentuating her curves and equally tight jeans. I wore a simple white blouse and black pants; I didn’t put in much effort because I didn’t need to. Her blonde hair was in wild waves but mine was slicked back into a neat bun.
“You look nice!” she told me.
“Thank you,” I replied, not bothering to offer a compliment back. Why did I agree to this?
“Have you tried this place before?” she asked and I shook my head.
“You’re joking! Anything you don’t eat? I’ll handle the order,” she said. I hope she didn’t expect me to handle the check.
“Anything except minced meat,” I said with a polite smile. Maybe the concept of a potential friendship only existed in the realm of a beach. This felt a bit too real.
She listed a bunch of orders and I nodded through. I didn’t even know what she was saying, but sure. I kind of wanted to leave already.
My mother called the same time Sara flagged a waiter down.
“I need to take this call,” I said, standing up. She nodded and gave me a thumbs up.
My stomach clenched. I hope it wasn’t about the engagement.
“Hello?” I said, trying to sound confident under the loud music of the restaurant.
“Where are you?” My mother asked me.
“I told you, I was going to a restaurant with one of my college friends,” I said. She paused.
“I forgot. Who’s your friend again?” she asked.
I throw I name of someone she’d approve.
“Okay,” she said.
“Is everything fine?” I asked.
“Yes, I just didn’t see your car at home,” she said and hung up. Classic mother moves. Helicopter style.
“Everything okay?” Sara asked me, she saw me roll my eyes.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” I said with a shrug. “How are things with you?” I asked to get the pressure off me.
She nodded. “They’re okay. The beach outings really cleared my mind. It’s been a tough few months.”
I raised my brow. This was getting interesting. “How so?”
She sighed and flipped her hair. The waiter placed two glasses of Diet Coke in front of us.
She sighed loudly. “I went through a horrible breakup,” she said. Was it an engagement thing?
“I was with him for two years, and they were honestly perfect,” she explained. I wanted to ask her how they met but it felt inappropriate seeing how heartbroken she seemed.
“He didn’t tell me that while he was with me he actually proposed to someone else. He was never able to marry me, I was just a passing toy to him,” she said, taking a sip of her Diet Coke.
“That’s such a crappy thing of him to do,” I said, but then I caught myself. I was in the exact same position as her ex. Yaqoub was her. I would be sidetracking him.
“Yeah, you get over it,” she said. “Are you with anyone?” she asked me. I shook my head, lying.
“No, not at the moment,” I said, hoping she’d believe my lie.
She parted her lips in disbelief. “You? Single? No way,” she said. My heart started racing for some reason like I was being caught in a lie.
I shrugged. “Why does it sound impossible?” I asked, curious.
“I mean, you’re from a prestigious family and you’re pretty; I’d expected you to say that you’re even juggling through suitors,” she said with a laugh. God, if she knew.
I shook my head. “Not really, my mom is very picky.”
She looked at my quizzically. “What about men who never knocked on your door. Surely you’ve had your relationships, I know I have.”
There really were other worlds out there.
I shook my head. “Not really,” I said. I was lying again.
“Wow, you’re so proper,” she commented as the waiter placed some appetizers on the table.
I laughed. “Just paranoid my mom would know.”
She smiled. “I understand.”
I licked my lips, placing a deep fried, sauce covered shrimp on my plate. “Though I have a friend she’s going through a terrible situation; kind of like your situation but she’s the guy.”
“What do you mean?” she said between chews.
“Like she’s been engaged to this guy, she claims she doesn’t like him and is just sticking around because it’s kind of expected of them to be married? Weird, I know,” I began, trying to not make it sound like it’s about me.
“Anyway, she met this guy who she claimed helped her while she was in a car accident at night. She said she actually really felt a connection with him. She’s stuck now, she’s still seeing the two guys, and the other one doesn’t know she’s engaged.”
“You’re joking. She’s a coward, sorry; she should just break off the engagement,” she said. Coward was a punch in the gut. I was a coward.
“Maybe that’s me, but it’s unfair to the guy who helped her to get sideplayed like that.”
I took another bite, pretending to be nonchalant. “I mean, she did tell me she can’t marry the other guy because her family would never approve.”
“So what’s she still doing with him? She’s just digging a hole for herself. She should cut that guy off. If she’s too scared to break the engagement off then she should ditch that guy since the relationship isn’t going anywhere, and stick to the engagement. The fiance and her will adapt together,” she said.
Why the hell did I even ask her?
I would hate to be married to Talal. Or would he actually change?
“That’s true. I told her to stop talking to the guy, but I don’t think she’s going to,” I said, hoping she didn’t realize it was about me.
“Exactly,” she said.
The rest of the dinner was an insight…into how other people lived, other behaviors, and other worlds that felt impossible for me to imagine.
I shifted in my seat uncomfortably as she told me about how she and a few of her friends were kicked out of a beach in Julaia for wearing two piece swimsuits. I judged her deeply. I judged her even more when she told me that it was how she met her ex.
“I found him once outside his chalet. Honestly, I felt so…possessive of him? Like I really wanted him to be mine,” she said, still a hint of possessiveness lacing her voice.
I knew a good amount of people there.
“Really?” I asked, ready to head home.
“I’ll show you his picture. You can’t tell me he isn’t hot,” she said, pulling out her phone to scroll through her pictures.
She pulled out a picture and my heart dropped to my stomach.
It was Jude’s husband.
My breath shallowed and my heartbeats quickened. I had to compose myself. I couldn’t show her that I knew him.
“He is,” I said with an awkward chuckle. I wanted to throw up. It would crush Jude, my cousin and best friend, to know this. To know that I know, anyway. “My mom texted. I have to leave,” I lied.
“Not even dessert?” she asked, and I shook my head and flagged the waiter down for the bill.
I almost didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was dipping my toes in an unfamiliar sea; a world foreign to my own.
To actually think she had a point about my relationship with Yaqoub…how would she know? I couldn’t take advice from someone who pathetically chased a guy.
Maybe Yaqoub’s world was the same but I was too blinded by my own infatuation with him to realize it. To realize how stupid I had been.
No. No. We were going to travel together. To watch a race, and nothing more. Maybe breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but that was it.
The waiter finally arrived, and split the bill. At least didn’t expect me to pay it all.
She pulled me in for a hug, and I had to restrain myself from pushing her away. This was the last time she’d be seeing me.
“Let’s do it again! I had fun,” she said.
“Sure,” I replied with a forced smile. I watched her walk to her car before I got into mine.
I contemplated blocking her that day, but it felt too quick. Still, I’d stop giving her access to me.
I couldn’t befriend anyone outside my circle again.
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